"Mommy, how does....."
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"Mommy, how does....."
| Sat, 04-16-2005 - 7:25pm |
I figured there was no better place than a sex board to ask this question...DD is 5, as I've said plenty of times. She's become increasingly curious about how her baby brother is going to come out...I've directed her to her father and my mother because, crap, how do you answer that? My luck semi-changed when I found, "What to Expect When You're Mommy's Expecting." I think that talking about sperm and ovum is a little too much for a 5 yr. old..And so is the vagina and the birth canal..So, how do I soften it up to explain to her in a gentle, non-graphic, G-rated way how her baby brother is going to go from my uterus to out in the open? If I was having a C-Section, this would all be easy..*LOL* Any ideas?

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>>Funnily enough in the context of this conversation, "vagina" is no more or less dirty or embarrassing to a 5yo child than, say, "elbow" or "apple". It's just another word to a child.<<
Yes, exactly. My 5yo DD still sometimes wears diapers at night, and because of this, she sometimes gets a rash. She will quite openly tell me that her vagina is sore and needs powder - just as easily as she'll discuss a wound on her knee. If she used an expression such as "down there", I would actually correct her. My 8yo DS also uses correct names.
I mentioned earlier that he's autistic and a visual learner.....well, I've got this visual hung above the toilet. It explains that he must hold his penis down when he wees. The he must watch the wee coming out of his penis and into the water....etc etc. This is an example of how entrenched proper names are in our house.
I have drawn the line a little, though. The only word I've given her to date is vagina. I haven't taught her "vulva" or "clitoris" (despite her asking me "what is that bit in the middle, mummy?") as yet. I will probably give her all the proper words when we discuss menstruation....(hopefully not for a few years yet).
For the record, I also get embarrassed at pet names for genitals. I will use obscene slang during dirty talk....but otherwise, DH and I have never used pet names.
**Just for a bit of a laugh, my autistic DS happens to have an obsession about human anatomy. He's got a mountain of books about it all. Anyway, the other day, he informed me that poo was coming out his rectum. I love the fact that he's so knowledgable, but that was definately TMI for me**
I so agree about the use of proper terminology. You even see it on these boards, people are afraid to use the correct words for anything sexual.
Years ago, my ob/gyn retired, and turned over his records to another doctor. So, next time I was due for an exam, I went to that doctor. The first thing he did was take me in his office to "talk, and get acquainted" as he said. One of the first things he asked me was "how is everything 'down there'"? I couldn't believe a doctor said that! The next time I was due for an exam, I found a new doctor. (all the same responses that you mentioned went thru my head at the time, too!) I felt like if I said the word vagina HE might pass out, lol
OMG, a doctor said *down there*, I would have had to play with his mind a little on that one.
Dear Jennie,
Just answer: "Same way it got in." (just kidding).
Actually, it's not too much information for a 5 year old to handle. She will absorb what she needs and shrug. My daughter had the same question when my wife was pregnant with her little brother (my daughter was 3) and we just told her where the baby came out and she answered "oh" and went back to cartoons.
I think it's best to answer with the truth on any of these subjects. However, a lot of times parents answer with WAY more than the child wanted. For example there is no need to go into details about conception and all the states of the embryo unless the child asks. If they do, then answer them in an age appropriate way. They will only be uncomfortable with it if you are uncomfortable with it.
Peace.
Scott.
I don't mind 'private parts' when discussing things like molestation or modesty or safety with kids. For instance, I told them 'Your penis, testicles, etc. are your private parts and not for anyone else to touch.' That kind of thing. But most people don't use the 'p' word (not penis...the female word) to little kids.
If adults want to use slang in private moments, or adult ones, (face it, some adult jokes are *not* as funny with the correct terminology!) then it's fine and I'm ok with that. But that's different than teaching kids from the get-go what the right words are. And when you're discussing their bodies, or sex or reproduction, correctness is important. If anyone else around is uncomfortable with a little girl or boy knowing exactly what it is called, that's their problem, IMO.
When my DS#1 was about 3, his daycare provider related this story to me - he woke up from his nap and she asked him if he had to use the toilet. She said "He stood there for a minute and looked deep in thought, then said 'Well, my penis says no.'" Except she wouldn't say the word penis in the telling. She said he said 'My..' Well you know, his thing'. I said "Penis? What is wrong with that? It's what we've taught him. That IS what it's called, you know." I had to laugh at what she said, but I was aggravated by her reaction to it. My DSD's stepfather scolded her brother for saying 'Penis' once. I caught *her* scolding DS, saying "Don't use those dirty words." !!!!!
>>At least if she starts explaining the facts of life to her classmates she's got her facts correct! LOL!<<
So true. You know, the kids *do* talk about this stuff, and I'd much prefer to get in early with correct info - than to have some other child teach her incorrect things.
Mind you, I'm still constantly supplying more info when situations arise. Just this morning, DD was telling her older brother that he got to the egg before she did (as in winning a race) and I promptly explained that daddy and I had sex two different times.
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