The Morning After...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
The Morning After...
7
Sun, 10-27-2013 - 12:00pm

This all took place early saturday morning, I was out with this guy for the 3rd time and some friends. He kept offering to buy me beer and shots and i kept accepting with the mindset that "why does he keep wanting me to drink so badly?". Next thing i know, i'm waking up the next morning in his bed with no panties on, my car not there and i'm missing my credit card. When i woke up, i was wondering what i was doing there and i had some glimpses of what happened through the night. But i wanted to leave as soon as i woke up and while he was still asleep, but then i realized i didn't have my car and my phone was about near dead because it hadn't been charged overnight. He woke up and i asked him where my panties were and where his clothes were (as he was completely naked) and he asked me if i hadn't remembered what happened last night. I said "barely". But the next thing he said was "we have to go to CVS and get you PlanB..." i couldn't believe it. I felt horrible! I was thinking how and why, because i don't remember having sex. And i was mad that he didn't wear protection because he could have had a disease and i didn't know. When i had mentioned to him that i was going to leave while he was still asleep but i don't have my car, he said "ah huh, you can't leave" in a joking way. The last time i spent the night at his place, i left as soon as i woke up and while he was still asleep. So maybe that's why he made sure i didn't have my car this time, who knows. When i spent the night at his place before,  i was not this drunk and we didn't have sex but we did fool around. I do remember telling him last night when he kept asking repeatedly that i wasn't sure i wanted to go back to his place afterwards and then when we were getting ready to head home i said i wanted him to take me back to my car to go home but he insisted that i go back to his place. And the fact that i had hung out with him twice before and that we chat all the time made me not feel bad enough to tell my friends to take me home. They would have gladly taken me home had i alerted them to any problems but i did not think things were going to go down the way that they did. So as i was sitting up trying to make sense of what happened, it dawned on me that my back door was pretty sore which means that something happened back there. I remember him asking me last time we hung out if i had ever tried anal before and i told him yes but i'm not interested in doing it going forward as it was too uncomfortable. So it occured to me that he may have been trying to do so while i was asleep. We had sex again before we headed out and as i'm laying there, i'm thinking to myself how did we get to this point where we are having sex so nonchalantly. For all i know, this is the first time. But the way he was handling it, it felt like we had done this a thousand times already. We went to CVS, i took the plan b, we hung out for a little bit after he took me to my car and i walked around with sunglasses on because my head was still spinning and the sunlight was killing me. I was still kinda out of it. It wasn't until i woke up this morning that i felt bad, i started thinking about the fact that i could have been pregnant had i not taken this plan b and that i had sex with a guy while i was barely consious. I feel so horrible and taken advantage of. I keep wondering if it was my fault for not taking better precautions and being too nice. i feel bad that i let it go that far, especially when i saw the warning signs when i was sober. Am i making a bigger deal about this than it really is (especially since i still hung out with him for a little bit after the fact and had sex again yesterday), or am i right to feel this way? Should i say anything to him or just let it go and do better next time?

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Sun, 10-27-2013 - 6:44pm

I think you should stay very far away from someone who treats you with so little regard.  And yes, you should be making better choices for yourself, regarding how much you drink.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2013
Sun, 10-27-2013 - 7:52pm
Great advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2013
Sun, 10-27-2013 - 7:53pm
Very good advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 10-28-2013 - 1:47am

Have you heard of AA?  Yes, you were taken advantage of, but you put yourself in a position to BE taken advantage of.  Are you honestly saying you "wondered why" he was feeding you alcohol?  You're actually lucky he was honest enough to tell you and buy you a Plan B!  So now you won't get pregnant, but how do you know you don't have any one of a number of STD's?  You're also lucky that he didn't let you drive in your condition.......otherwise you might be laying in the morgue!  You had sex with him before, and you were only "slightly" drunk, so why wouldn't he think it was alright this time.  And whatever happened to your credit card?  This doesn't sound like a guy that's worth getting into a relationship with.....too much water over the dam already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Tue, 10-29-2013 - 6:42pm

Update: i decided to go to the dr yesterday to get tested. It's too early for any signs of an STD to show up according to the dr, but i will follow up in a few days and get tested. I got tested for HIV and thank god it came back negative. As far as having him around my son, was never a thought in my mind. I don't expose guys i date to my son. it has happened once and that was not planned. I spoke with the police and decided that i did not want to prosecute. Sending someone to prision is a serious thing and i just could not bring myself to do it. It came down to whether i felt a crime was committed on me and i said "no, i just feel taken advantage of". I decided to talk to him instead and see if he had any remorse or anything and then if not, i would go ahead with the prosecution. He was very apologetic and remorseful. He sounded very upset that he let this happen and i told him that i was glad that he felt bad because he should and i laid it on thick. I expressed how i felt and he asked if i felt like he took advantage of me to which i replied "yes". I feel like a huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders and i do feel a sense of closure. He repeatedly asked if there was anything he could do and that he felt so horrible that i now feel this way about him and that he had no idea i had a problem with anything to which i then brought up all the things that i said i didn't want to do before i was intoxicated. I agree that i wasn't in a position to drive, however i would have rather he either called me a cab or if he took me to his place just let me sleep and not taken advantage of me. He claims he didn't know i was out of it but i asked if he knew that i was totally alert and into it. Which he replied no, so that makes it not ok. I am taking control over my drinking habits and will only allow myself either 2 beers max or one non beer alcoholic beverage if i am out. In home, of course i can drink all i want lol. But no more irresponsibility like this again. He did ask if i wanted to continue talking to him and i told him i would contact him if i did, but otherwise i didn't want him contacting me. In the back of my mind, i do feel a little sad because one of my friends kept mentioning how he truely seems like a nice guy who really likes me and that just messed up and was an idiot. But at the same time, part of me really dislikes him for doing what he did and messing things up. Maybe that's my compassionate side but right now i need my space from him period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2013
Wed, 10-30-2013 - 6:31am
If you do decide to see him again (and I'm not sure you should) then do so without alcohol involved. If you both are drinking every time you are around each other then your judgement is clouded. Spend some time with him sober then you can decide if it's worth moving forward with. IMO the alcohol is at the root of the problem. Sounds like I'm fussing at you but I'm not. I used to drink a lot but quit that and everything in life is better. Just concerned about you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Thu, 10-31-2013 - 4:38am

He might be a nice guy in some contexts, but here with you, he clearly sounds sleazy and irresponsible--a very bad combo. You're better off without him. .