Is my boyfriend gay or just insecure?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Is my boyfriend gay or just insecure?
15
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 1:24pm
I've been with my boyfriend for about three months and he has not been able to get an erectin yet.. We will have over an hour of foreplay and I will move my hand "down yonder" on him to discover nothing is going on.. This is been every time thus far. It's taking a toll on me because it makes me feel undesirable and unattractive. He's 31 yrs. old & is fairly inexperienced having only been with one woman about ten years ago so I'm trying to cut him some slack but it's getting ridiculous.. I've asked him if there's anything I should be doing differently & he just starts crying saying it's a mental thing with him.. Everything else is great in our relationship, he's a sweet, wonderful guy who treats me like a princess but something has gotta give in the physical department. It's not like I require sex right away but I at least want to know I'm turning the guy on.. He claims he's not gay but (and I know I'm being judgemental here) he doesn't like anything manly such as cars, sports, guy movies, nothing.. He has a Hayley Mills & Friends obsession lol, does this mean anything?? I'm hoping to god I'm just being paranod about the gay thing but my mind starts to wander after lack of sex... He'll talk about girls he finds hot & so forth so I don't know if he's in denial or is just a really gay straight man lol. What do I do? I don't know how to help him through his "mental" problems with sex & he refused to see a doctor over it so I'm stuck! I love him but I don't wanna waste my time with someone who's never going to want to sleep with me. Help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:20am
When I said "he treats me like a princess" I meant better than any other guy I've ever dated, not on a pedestal but he treats me with respect and is one of the most caring, considerate men I've ever met. I treat him with the same respect, I think that is why we're so compatible mentally wise, we both care for each other greatly...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:21am
I have asked him this & he swears up & down that he hadn't (been abused) and I tend to believe him.. I think he would feel comfortable enough with me to tell me the truth, he knows I'd be understanding.. I think I've exhausted every possiblity here, hence my frustration..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 10:55am

Does he have a problem getting erections for masturbation?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 12:41pm
I don't know if he has problems masterbating, I've never asked him.. The only time he gets hard is from morning wood so I know he has the ability to....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:25am

If he can get a morning erection then I wouldn't bother going to the Doctor for a physical. Clearly his physical bits can, and do, work. As he's said, it's mental. So it's probably not abuse, but it is probably lack of self esteem and performance issues and God knows what else thrown in there. You've tried lots of foreplay and sexual play and nothing works. He seems happy enough to talk about it but only to the point of agreeig that there is clearly a "mental" issue and problem. What has he suggested that the two of you do about this? Has he said anything that can be classed as having a timeframe or is it always "Lets wait and see".

I think that I'd be at the point of "I love/like you a lot but I do find this really frustrating and I know that you do too. How about we get some professional help with this because neither of us seem to be solving things?"

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