My father hates my boyfriend!
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My father hates my boyfriend!
| Mon, 06-02-2008 - 5:46am |
My father found out I was having sex with my new boyfriend and he hates him!
| Mon, 06-02-2008 - 5:46am |
My father found out I was having sex with my new boyfriend and he hates him!
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As difficult as this topic would be to discuss with your dad, denying it isn't the adult way to handle the situation. Depending on how he "knows" this, it could just make you out to look immature and dishonest.
You're also correct that it's none of his business. However, he's your dad. If you want to have him respect you as an adult, then you should handle this like an adult -- even if it boils down to you telling him that your sex life isn't his business. If the fact that you're sexually active with your BF is what is making him dislike your BF, you can simply let him know that you're sorry he feels that way.
You have spent a good deal of time in your post here trying to justify that you're not a bad person. That's likely because you're feeling like your dad is viewing you as bad in some way. If he's like most parents, he's not. It's far more likely that it's part of him "letting go" of you that's causing him to be upset. Worry plays into that too. While at 19 you are an "adult", he's having trouble seeing that. Parents don't stop worrying about their kids the day they turn 18.
If you ask him why he dislikes your BF, and the topic of sex comes up, you can tell him that you don't feel that's a topic that is open for discussion between you. Let him know that you do respect his opinion, but that you're also an adult, and you're just not willing to share the intimacies of your life with him. Those are very adult words to speak. They set a boundary that you are allowed to have. If he brings up any sort of commitment between you and your BF, tell him that you don't know what the future holds ~ that the two of you are dating and getting to know each other AND that you're not even thinking about settling down yet. He may also be worried that you're being safe with regard to pregnancy and STDs (which hopefully you are). You might want to fit that into your conversation somehow if the opportunity arises.
Giving your dad a lesson in the ways of the world today IS NOT something that will make any of this easier. It will look like you are trying to justify your actions. Don't go there, you don't need to justify your actions. Your dad doesn't care if the entire world is having sex on his doorstep -- but he does care if you are making good or bad decisions with your life. Showing him that you are making responsible, adult decisions is the building block you need to use here.
I don't know how your dad found out, but it's entirely possible that he wishes he had never found out. He worries that you'll get hurt, taken advantage of, or off track with your future. While all of the worries that he has won't stop just because you're an adult now, they are his worries, his problem to deal with. Often, that takes a little time -- time to see that you're not getting off track with your planned future and time to see that you are making your own decisions -- not just doing something your BF talked you into doing.
Click here and tell me:
Do you Surf the Net for Porn?
Now Steve, did you forget about my new talent, I could secure it by using other body parts.
Well, saying he should be happy you're not gay wasn't the best
Well, it wasn't really a smartass comment.
I didn't tell you to tell him about your sex life, as I said previously, you're an adult and your sex life is your business.
Probably one of the reasons your Dad hates him is because your DAD was a young guy once, and he KNOWS what young guys are like.
Your Dad found out from "someone"?
Ok, I asked him, "well who would you like me to date?", and he didn't answer.
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