My fiance wants to try anal with me.......?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2013
My fiance wants to try anal with me.......?
3
Mon, 06-03-2013 - 3:05pm

Hello all!

I need some help trying to figure my fiance out. (I am female, and he is obviously male lol).

He told me that he has only done it one time with an ex, but it was not enjoyable. (He wasn't using lubricant. YEAH THAT WOULD HURT!) Just went in bare, no condom. He said ever since then he would NEVER do it again. I have also tried it one time with an ex, unsuccessfully. We've been together for nearly 3 years now and he never has mentioned wanting to have anal sex and I haven't either since we both had bad experiences, HOWEVER, he is always making jokes about anal sex, like, "I should surprise you one day and stick it up there" or "If you don't stop doing that I'm going to stick it up there," etc. Once in a while he brings up the topic randomly, saying things like, "How can anyone do that, it's gross" or "Things weren't meant to be put up in there." Recently I've asked him if he REALLY wanted to try it with me, after having asked several other times and he always replied with a "no" (for the reasons above) he says something I've never heard before, "I do but I don't." When I asked why he didn't, he said because he didn't want to hurt me. Then I asked why he did and he said, "So I can say that I did." Sooooooooooooo, I'm not sure what to think. We talked about how our bad experiences went and how to correct them (LUBRICANTS!) mainly and for me, as embarrassing as it to admit, how to properly "prepare" for the moment. I mean, I don't think one could actually be ready to do that out of the blue, if you know what I mean lol.

I wouldn't mind trying this out, but he is confusing me! I don't know if he's been hinting on wanting to do this or not? What does it sound like to you? 

Ladies, what is your "never fail" cleansing routine? I'm pretty sure I've got it but I could be missing something.  

Any help deciphering my fiance would be greatly appreciated!Wink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012

That's a pretty silly reason, just to brag about it. Who the heck is he planning on revealing info about your sex life to exactly, lol?  

Anal can be very enjoyable if you are patient and use lots of lube. I think you should tell him to either shut up about it or do it, the waffling over it would drive me up the wall.

I was watching the Kardashians the other night, and Kortney's boyfriend kept talking about it when she was adamantly opposed to the suggestion. She got fed up with it, went out and bought a strap on, and told him that she was willing only if she got to do him first! Thought it was a great way to handle a guy who won't take no for an answer ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2013

Thanks for replying!

I don't know who he would brag about it to, unless it's just for himself LOL! I assume he really wants to and eventually he will I think. I asked him not to mention it unless he really wants to try it. 

I don't care too much for the Kardashian's, but that is pretty funny about what Kourtney did! I should say something similar to that if my fiance says something againWink

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 06-09-2013 - 11:00am

I've only done it a few times, and I have mixed emotions about it.  As for being "ready"......it depends on your colon.......I guess some people can do it at will, others can't.  I tried a warm water enema once, and that worked, but you can't (or I wouldn't) do that if it came up spur of the moment) so there is the "messy" factor........which is why it's good to use a condom.  Even with lots of lube, and a very careful partner, it was somewhat painful for the first few moments, then it was good.  I can't get what men see in it unless it's the "tightness" factor. 

As far as your situation is concerned, if you're not totally against it, then why are you letting him waiver?  If you are willing, then tell him to put up or shut up!  In the end (no pun intended) it is YOUR decision, and if you're tired of his hinting, take control and tell him to do it.  If he doesn't, then tell him to never mention it again!