My Husband Makes Me Uncomfortable
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My Husband Makes Me Uncomfortable
| Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:42pm |
My husband and I have never had a crazy, do-it-like-rabbits
| Mon, 03-24-2008 - 12:42pm |
My husband and I have never had a crazy, do-it-like-rabbits
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I'm soooo sorry he's making you feel ashamed of yourself.
Welcome to the board, sweetsouthern, and (((((H U G S))))) for what you're going through.
You're completely entitled to set your own boundaries! It sounds like your DH is trying to guilt you into living out some of his fantasies, and truth be told ... often fantasies are far better by being left fantasies. You shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with, and you certainly shouldn't be made to feel bad for the choices you are making.
If you can't convince him to try couples counseling with you, then I would suggest going alone. The counselor will, at the very least, help you make sure you are communicating effectively with your spouse. At best, if he sees that you are going, he might decide to join you -- especially once he hears that the counselor agrees with your point of view on this! (I'm not trying take sides, but a good counselor is going to help you set healthy boundaries that work for you -- and help you learn ways to live within those boundaries.)
I think there are many things that a couple can compromise on .... but sharing your body with others is something that only you can make a decision about.
Not Quite Engaged ~ Breaking Up is Hard To Do
We have some Diva's in the House!
Wendy
Wendy
An opinion from the male perspective...
I agree completely with the posts above. He's being a total jerk. What he is asking you to do is not normal (no offense intended for those with open relationships). I don't know the a actual statistics but I would be surprised if more that 5%(1 in 20) couples participate in multiple partner sex. While I may find the concept arousing, the reality of sharing body fluids with these people is like playing Russian roulette. Even the use of condoms will protect you only so far. My DW and I have been together for 12 years. Neither of us has any fear that we may catch an STD from any kind of oral, vaginal or anal contact. As they say in the commercial, that peace of mind is "priceless".
Most men would be delighted with an adventurous spouse that was willing to have sex twice a week. He doesn't realize how good he has it.
Would you consider a couple of things that he may like that do not exceed your comfort level? For example, get a baby sitter and have an evening out. Pick a nice restaurant with dim lighting that's located outside your normal stomping grounds. Wear a sheer blouse without a bra. Cover with an unbuttoned jacket or sweater. After you are seated, casually take off your jacket. Would he like that?
As far as his sex party ideas..Would you be willing to go to a real nudist club? I'm not talking about a sex club or a swinger place. Do your own homework on the kind of place it is. I'm talking about social nudity. At a real nudist club, sexual behavior will get you thrown out. Would social nudity without sex satisfy this need of his or feed it? I don't know.
Now, how do you solve the problem. You need to clearly communicate, in a loving way, your boundries. I don't want to put words in your mouth but you want to make it clear that sex with other will never be OK with you. You are willing to be adventurous with him but no one else, ever. His constant pressure will never change your mind. It only hurts you and will lead to divorce.
I hope he will choose you and the children over these stupid fantasies of his.
Good luck.
Paul
This is no way for a man to treat his wife.
I am so sorry to hear you are having to go through this......First of all let me start by saying I hate the word NORMAL,
Z
I'm sorry this is going on for you.
Hi, Sweetsouthern.
I believe you've received great advice from previous posters. I'm sorry you're going through this. One word I really detest is "prude". No matter how open you are, you can always find someone who likes something you don't and who calls you a prude. Maybe you could tell your husband you'd like to see him have sex with 5 guys (or a goat, as Sandi said) and if he doesn't like it, tell him he's a prude.
For a mother of 3 young children to be willing to have sex 2 or 3 times a week... there are men here, on these boards, who would worship you for it.
Also, what he wants is pretty extreme. I'm not going to say it's "abnormal", but it certainly isn't common, so he really has no good reason to be surprised you're not comfortable with it, since many other people aren't, either. Flash your breasts in public? Isn't that illegal? Would he like you to get in trouble with the police?
It sounds like he has very little or no respect for what *you* want. You ask, "Should I see a professional to help me overcome this?" Overcome your feelings about sex parties and the like? No, I don't think so. These are your boundaries and I don't think they're that bad. It's not like you're inhibited about sex in general. You don't have a problem. He's the one with the problem, because he's treating you badly. He needs to understand he has no right to do this. It's one thing to ask, it's quite another to demand and to put pressure on someone. And you sound pretty open to various things, anyway (like toys).
Good luck!
ScorpioWoman
We kittens may be cute and lovable, but don't forget we have claws...
ScorpioWoman, Proud Winner of the 2008 Victor Hugo Memorial Run-On Sentence Award
We kittens may be cute and lovable, b
Hi woman
I have to say I was in a relationship similar to the one you are in . We had 3 boys and I did EVERYTHING in my power (except cross MY boundaries ) I have to say most men have the fantasy of having sex in groups or watching their SO with a woman or anther partner .......but it is just that a FANTASY........we can not live out ALL our fantasies ....what would be left? I think you should do as the others have said sit him down ....and talk to him.....also try
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