My husband prefers masturbation !

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
My husband prefers masturbation !
13
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 6:43am

The last three years I suffer a lot as I discovered that my husband masturbates every day! We hardly have sex once a week and I have very bad feelings for him. I feel that he has completely destroy my female being, I want to kill him when I know that behind the closed door he is masturbating.

I tried many ways to approach him, being more sexual, discussed it, fighting, visit therapist ... but still nothing changed.
I think that I have turned to be psychotic with this situation, I have a lot of health symptoms and after 3 years I turn to be really depressed with this situation.

On the other hand he is a very tender man, loves me deeply but he told me that it is an addiction that he cant resist.

Please help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 8:06am

Are there other problems in the relationship that he is choosing masturbation over sex with you?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 3:33pm
Maybe combine the two. My last bf would almost always masturbate to finish. Not always but usually. Even though I was on the pill, he used to pull out and we would both watch it shoot on my belly or face. It didn't bother me and that seems like it could be fun for your man to do the one with the other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 9:34am

I agree with Tish! If he's addicted to it, then it's no different than an addiction to drugs or alcohol. If he wants to end his addiction, then he needs to get help for it. If he would rather enjoy his addiction than make you happy, then he loves his addiction more than he loves you!

If HIS addiction is causing you to be depressed, (which can cause your medical problems) and he's not willing to try to change, then maybe it's time to get out of the marriage. You can't fix him or change him, he has to do that for himself, and it sounds like he's not willing to do that. You are in a lose-lose situation, and the only way to change what's happening to you is to get out of that situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 10:10am
There's a huge difference between normal, healthy masturbation, including masturbation into your partner sex life
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 12:27pm
I'm not convinced it's a true addiction. Once a day is hardly excessive. And I'd ignore anyone who says that you need to end your marriage over it! Anyway, I'm curious whether your "health issues" preceded his problem or did they occur afterward? Also, I don't believe that alienating him, or getting mad at him, is going to help. I think you need to figure out a way to entice him into the bedroom maybe twice a week, versus the once a week (or less) now. That's a small goal. (I wonder what worked in the past for you?) In the meantime, as difficult as it may seem, forget about him masturbating. If you want to have him masturbate in front of you, maybe try that. That's a small step. Maybe you can masturbate watching him masturbate. However, if you develop a strident approach that you want seven nights a week of intercourse starting tomorrow and nothing less is a failure, then you are doomed to failure. Set small goals first and be happy if you attain them. If he's a good guy, then try to see it from his point of view, and maybe he'll come around. The good news is that he has a healthy sex drive. Now all you need to do is to redirect it more often towards yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:51pm

She said this has been going on for 3 years, she has tried being more sexual with him, she's discussed it with him, even done therapy and nothing has changed with him.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:52pm

I agree. It just doesn't sound like all that acute a problem. Again, not that most guys are like this, but my last bf preferred to pull out and masturbate himself to climax 90% of the time. Heck, many times he would do that and just stick it back in the orifice it had come out of 30 seconds before lol. Not because that was the only way he could do it, or that he was hung up on it: it was just what he felt like doing. There was nothing bad about it that I can think of. It didn't bother me a bit, I really didn't much think about it.

Back to your case, I think if you just align him being with you to him masturbating he might think it was really sexy.

Important to not overthink these things.

Avatar for guyfromjersey
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 3:00pm
Well, we're only hearing one side of the story here...and I haven't heard HIM refer to it as an "addiction". And if she's acting "psychotic" (the word she uses), I'm not sure she's in a position to be rationale about this. I think there's more to this story than we're being told.
Avatar for guyfromjersey
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 3:06pm
It sounds like a bit of a control issue to me. I think both sides are going to have to give a bit here to be successful. But I agree that approaching his masturbation as something she can use as a way to get him back into bed is the way to go. I think she needs to gently coax him back by encouraging him to masturbate for her when they are in the midst of sex. Maybe he'll do it more often in bed instead of the bathroom. But there's going to have to be some added benefit for him...maybe he gets his balls played with or a BJ...or something that makes it worthwhile for him. Otherwise, he'll probably prefer the safety and comfort of the bathroom. Under the described circumstances, i think I might prefer the bathroom, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 4:38pm

Yes, we are only hearing one side of the story, that's usually how message boards work.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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