My husband prefers masturbation !

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
My husband prefers masturbation !
13
Wed, 09-06-2006 - 6:43am

The last three years I suffer a lot as I discovered that my husband masturbates every day! We hardly have sex once a week and I have very bad feelings for him. I feel that he has completely destroy my female being, I want to kill him when I know that behind the closed door he is masturbating.

I tried many ways to approach him, being more sexual, discussed it, fighting, visit therapist ... but still nothing changed.
I think that I have turned to be psychotic with this situation, I have a lot of health symptoms and after 3 years I turn to be really depressed with this situation.

On the other hand he is a very tender man, loves me deeply but he told me that it is an addiction that he cant resist.

Please help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 5:53pm

I'm inclined to agree with you, tish. I don't think that masturbating every day is necessarily a bad thing. But when you're having sex less than once a week with your wife, who not only wants sex but is doing everything that she can to encourage it, THEN you do need to take a closer look at it.

Is it an addiction? Who would know? Does it matter what it is or what it isn't? Clearly it isn't something that he's willing to stop in a hurry and it is causing problems.

Avatar for guyfromjersey
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 7:49am
I understand what you're saying. I realize that's she's not truly psychotic, but clearly is in a frame of mind where it's quite likely that we're getting a distorted view of the situation, especially since she mentions at the end of her message, basically, that her husband is a good guy. The problem is that as human beings we typically look at the situation through our own eyes and can't conceive of the fact that the blame, if you will, may be a 50-50 proposition rather than a 90-10 (or 100-0) proposition as it often is described. That's why I'm reluctant to condemn her husband. In addition, knowing how a guy thinks about these things, I think there are key details that are being omitted from the story, either in error or on purpose, that would help us out...and which might not place her in as good a light--read: victim--as she would have us believe. Anyway, I'm suspicious that there's more going on here that we're being told and I refuse to act as if this is a court proceeding where if the evidence hasn't been presented that it doesn't exist. The title of this discussion is "My husband prefers masturbation". We have yet to learn why her husband prefers masturbation. She says that he says that he's addicted to it. I don't buy it. Maybe you buy it...but as a guy, I think it's nonsense. That's not the way guys work. This, in my opinion, is a shift over to masturbation, not someone becoming addicted to it. In other words, he prefers masturbation for a logical reason, not because he has no control over it, as might happen with an addict. Be that as it may, I think we need more info. Otherwise, we're jumping to conclusions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 10:38am

Dear all friends!

Thank you very much for all your kind attempts to help me.
First I would like to make clear that I m very passionate woman and my libido is really high. So dont even think that I havent try all teh ways to make our bed attractive!! He also accept all the above.

About my expression of being "psychotic" it is an expression that I used to show you how much disapointed and depressed I am with all this story. Nothing more.

Since I first realized that he is masturbating almost every day... I was in my planet! Because we had a very good sexual life. After it and watch more carefuly every day I realized more for his masturbation.

I m open to tell you more and Really I thank you very much for the help!!!!

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