my husband wants anal sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
my husband wants anal sex
10
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 10:01pm
My husband of 6 years has been trying repeatedly for anal sex. I let him a little bit here and there, never fully in though as its way too painful. I just think its disgusting, but he gets sooo turned on by touching it, fingering it and then goes nuts when its partially in. I want to satisfy my partner, but first of all, in the bible its considered a sin,(not that i am overly religous, but i do have faith/morals) and its illegal in most states. To me those two things are huge. I also wonder if maybe he has gay tendincies because he wants the ass. What does this mean??? I have been with other men prior to him and none of them have even attempted it. My high school sweatheart who i was with from 15 to 24 never tried it once. Now that i am 31, my husband is constantly going for that area. do men like this?? or is it just my husband??? Help, need suggestions

Thanks

Avatar for imblushing
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:26pm

Hi,


If your religious beliefs are strong and that's the reason for not wanting to, then that's the reason, period. I don't have those religions beliefs, but I have the belief that you or me or anyone should NOT be put into an uncomfortable and unwanted intimate position. If you don't want to, for whatever the reason, then just don't. And explain that to him.


Sharon

A friend is the person who kn

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:32pm
>>do men like this?? or is it just my husband???<<

Well, there are plenty of men that don't like it, just as there are plenty of women that don't like it. But plenty of men and plenty of women DO like anal sex.

>>I also wonder if maybe he has gay tendincies<<

Very unlikely. Some guys like legs, some like boobs, some like arses, some like blow jobs and some like anal sex. Certainly anal sex has an appeal because of the wonderful roundness of the female bottom, the tightness around his penis, the naughtiness of it, and for some there is even a little bit of a power trip in there too. Certainly anal sex doesn't seem to have to the taboo status that it once did, and more and more couples are trying it - or at least talking about it.

>>need suggestions<<

Anal sex can be very enjoyable for both partners but you need to decide what YOU want to do. If you decide that you do not want to have or try anal sex then say so. Your reasons are not really important - it's all about what you WANT or DON'T want to do. If you simply don't want to do it then tell him that he'll have to do without it.



If you do decide that you want to try it, you'll have to be the one to take charge of the situation the first few times. You have to be able to relax, you'll need plenty of lubrication (get a little bottle of lube), and you'll have to be certain that you can control the rate of penetration. Either you get on top and lower yourself down or you make sure that he LISTENS to your directions if he is behind you. You don't want him to push in even half an inch if you have told him to stop for a moment.

Lastly, go very slowly and very gently and don't force anything anywhere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:48pm
Yikes, not for me thanks. Oral or vaginal, pretty much anything goes. But I fully intend to live my life in full without a penis up me bum, thank you very much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:26am
He's NOT gay. Straight men like it just as much as gay men. It might be illegal in many states....but there are LOTS of stupid laws on the books. What do you think will happen, someone will come into your bedroom and arrest you? The Bible says you shouldn't do it? Well, the Bible says LOTS of things shouldn't be done, but people do them every day. Also, the Bible says a wife should obey her husband in all things! Do you follow THAT rule? Of course not.

Bottom line? If you don't want to do it, then tell him not to do it. Many men like it, and many women do, too. But it's up to you, according to YOUR feelings, not what other people do.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 12:46am
Honey, don't trust anyone to tell you what's in the Bible....read it for yourself. Read the Song of Solomon. Anything you two want to do to give one another pleasure is fine. The Bible talks about illicit acts of fornication being sinful, not married sex.

THAT being said however, doesn't mean that you must submit to anal sex just because your hubby wants it. If it's disgusting and painful for you, then you shouldn't be expected to endure it. But if he could make it pleasurable for you, then you might change your mind. That would require some patience and a willingness on his part to take things VERY slowly.

But no, not ALL men desire anal sex. My DH never has. And BTW, I'm a Christian.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 2:55am
something else to consider re: anal sex.. health risks due to very thin tissue lining of anus (easily torn) may cause residual discomfort or even serious complications leaving you open to nasty infection..
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 7:45am

First of all anything you don't want to do, don't do.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 1:51pm
Well, none of us is without sin - that's for sure. And this is between husband and wife afterall. For anal sex to be illegal in some of the states has always been ridiculous to me. I mean, who is going to know? (Unless it's a rape/sodomy of somekind - but that is illegal, period). Gay tendancies? No. LOTS of men want anal sex - has nothing to do with being gay, I can assure you!

I think it's great that you are letting him play around a little bit! And just so you know, it's ALWAYS painful when the man is first going in. If you do want to try it, just use a lot of lubrication and go slowly. I assure you, that after he is through the breaking point there, you will enjoy a wonderful sensation with your hubby! It's delicious! We've been doing it ever since we met.

Before my hubby, I had three other men I did this with - so it's not ALL men, but some men who do enjoy this tabooo!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 5:31pm
Hi Krystina.

First of all, there is NOTHING wrong with your religious beliefs. Nothing. My wife & I actually hold very similar Protestant views about this as well. No matter how many times you hear that your belief(s) isn't very sound or reasonable or that there are ways around the rules, LOL, hold to what you truly believe...it is part of what makes you who you are and that is certainly more valuable than living up to anyone else's standards.

Believe it or not, there ARE online sites that do discuss this issue from religious points of view. I encourage you to do a very thorough search online if you're still concerned about the Biblical aspect of this. I don't want to tell you how my wife & I decide what we do as Christians ourselves because it really is up to only you and your personal beliefs.

As nice as it is to have him so fascinated with your body, you are nevertheless uncomfortable with anal sex and there is nothing wrong with you OR him. My wife & I consider counseling here and there, not just for the serious issues, but also for the prevention of serious issues as well. Just a thought to ponder if he is still more persistent than you can tolerate.

Hope you're able to work out a solution. If you investigate and discover that you personally may be okay with it after all, then hopefully it fulfills you both.

As always, just my two cents...honest humble opinion. Good luck to you. :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 3:06am
Sorry, I am with you. I would not have anal sex to please "anybody" nor would I do it even once for 10 million dollars. So just tell your husband NO. If he keeps trying to push the issue, then you have a bigger problem. Then you must define your limits and realize how selfish he is if you have said NO many times and he keeps trying.

I really feel for you if your husband does not take your NO seriously. He needs to fully respect your wishes.