my insecurities (male)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
my insecurities (male)
18
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 2:00pm

Ladies, I need your honest help/opinion. I am a 21 year old virgin. I am a good looking guy (been told), good sense of humor and get excellent grades in college. However, whenever I am on the verge of hooking up with a girl, my insecurities set in. I always think of the worst: what if I finish in two seconds? what if she thinks my penis is small?

My penis, when erect, is 5.5" in length, and about 4.7" around. I know this isn't the smallest in the world, but its definitely not big. Also, I don't trust my ruler, because it looks smaller to me!(may be weird for measuiring, but every guy does it)
Another thing, I don't know where exactly the clitoris is! could be embarassing...

How do I get over this? Do I have good reason to be worried?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 2:43pm

Welcome to the board Malemember.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 3:03pm

Hey malemember,

My advice is from a man, so may not be what you are looking for, but I thought I would try to help. First off being nervious is natural for most first times both men and women.
For your first time you should wait until you find someone that cares about you and someone that you feel strongly for. Than the act of sex is a extension of both you and your partners feelings for each other not something where judgement of performance and endowment is involved. Be honest and say its your first time, but be confident in yourself and your feelings for your lover. Just be yourself and take your time trying to find every nuck and cranny of her body that likes to be touched, kissed, and caressed. She will let you know you've hit the right spot with her body movements and moans. KEY is to take your time pleasing her before you have actual intercourse and I can promise you she won't care if you are 3 inches. It is very natual for a man to come fast the first time. Don't sweat it. Keep holding her and before you know it at age 21 you'll be ready for a second round in no time and you will last a lot longer the second time around.. You can do Kegals exersizes to help you hold it back if you want. Just be yourself and enjoy your partner and get into her every breath and I can assure you she will not be disappointed.

Good Luck and Merry Christmas
Loverboy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 4:01pm

Guy POV here: You're going to score much higher points with women for having a nice, sincere smile and a good sense of humor than anything having to do with your penis.

Every man has a penis, so forget about it. A good sense of humor and keeping yourself clean and neat will be all you need.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 4:09pm

You've gotten great advice from a woman, and from a man! Do you have reason to worry? NOT AT ALL. Is it unusual to be "insecure".....of course it's not. Do you think women aren't just as insecure? They worry about all kinds of crazy things.....things that don't mean anything. Are my breasts big enough, will he be turned off by my scar, or my stretch marks, or that teensy bit of fat? All pretty silly, aren't they?

As for your size, it's your size, and there's nothing you can do about it. You're "average"....isn't that great? Bigger is NOT better, either. Sometimes TOO big can be a problem, so that's one problem you won't have to worry about. If you check out the web site that Tish recommended......you'll realize that your penis is only one of your "tools". Truth be known, for most women, it's not even the most important part. Threre's an old saying, "it's not what you've got, it's what you do with it".

If you learn how to please a woman, which entails a LOT more than intercourse, you'll never have a problem. If you wind up with a woman who's had some experience, she can help you learn, too. Find a nice woman who cares about YOU, and she's not going to care about your "size"......it doesn't matter to most women. If someone rejects you because of your size, or how fast you are, then they're very shallow, and you wouldn't want to be with her anyway.

Lots of women will stay with a lousy man if he's "good in bed", which is stupid, but it happens a lot. If you're a great guy, AND you're good in bed, you will NOT have anything to worry about.

Find someone that you like and enjoy being with, and let nature take it's course. It'll be fine!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 4:15pm
Hi Malemember:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 4:22pm
HBO runs a documentary called Pornicopia. It is all about the porn industry...One of the questions to the female porn stars was "is there any thing that you say "no" to" There were several answers, anal for some was a nono...cum in the mouth was a nono for some,...but several of the porn star ladies said that they will say no to a large penis...that is why you are seeing many more normal sized penises in the modern porno flicks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2004
Tue, 12-21-2004 - 5:52pm

I have had a 10 inch boyfriend. It frustated my boyfriend that it didn't feel good a lot of times. It hurt and he had to be very careful every moment rather than just being spontaneous and going at it. Sometimes I had to simply stop him.

Based on your measurement it is perfect! You sound average sized with a nice girth. Girth is more important than length. But even smaller girths have nice advantages like anal sex.

And don't worry about cumming to soon. It happens and men take it more seriously than woman do. There's always more condoms and free moments in my life to get another go if the first time didn't work. If she likes you she will feel that way too! It's always nice to meet a guy who hasn't been around the block and to know I would be special enough to be a first. While your afraid it will probably make her heart pitter patter!

I don't know how true it is but men have told me if they masturbate first (privately without her) they can go longer and they gal never knows. It probably wouldn't hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 6:10pm
hopefully you guys are right...thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 8:48pm
Trust us malemember, you will do fine.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 9:32pm

Still sounding a little uncertain.....

Try it again. Put a big smile on your face, puff your chest out and say "wow, I feel so much better! I'm going to get out there and put my concerns behind me"

And for what it's worth, if I wasn't old enough to be your mom, and if I didn't live on the other side of the planet.....I'd date you.

Aisha

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