My Life is Like a Levitra Commercial

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2000
My Life is Like a Levitra Commercial
12
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 12:12pm
It's all about quality, and we have plently of quality. My man just can't wipe that smile off his face. Neither can I. Life is like the best romance novel. Like it's supposed to be. Two beautiful people in a committed monogamous relationship who just can't keep their hands off each other. And we can't contain our joy. We have to let everyone know how delighted we are.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:28pm
I know what you are saying about good marriages -- my parents had the same thing you describe for your parents and I was always in admiration of them. My SO's parents, on the other hand, had a stormy one until just the past six or so years, and from what she describes and what I witnessed early on in knowing her, he was absolutely crazy and she was a Nazi. They have both mellowed enormously, but that's not what SO saw growing up so her habits and expectations are different from mine.

We "communicate" all the time in terms of talking (and arguing) but nothing seems to break the logjam for good. It is so frustrating to NEVER settle anything, only for the moment, and then have to refight the battle anew later. She says she's just lost the capacity to trust but I question whether she ever really did and whether she really wants things to get better. Indeed, this dynamic may be what she is comfortable with.

And to be fair, I am certainly not Mr. Perfect and in the past I have hurt her, not been as understanding, and honest, and trusting & loving as I should have been. We've been together since 1991 and a lot of history has gone down. We are both weary.

That said, however, I'm still "in love" with her as well as love her, and I am passionately so. She has lost her passion for me. We haven't had sex in almost a month, before that it was 1X a week, down from 2X, etc., been dwindling down and a problem for the past 2 years.

I appreciate what you and everyone else has been saying. I guess I am looking for some way to have her fall in love with me again and I am pretty much in despair that this is not possible.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:35pm
Your present situation sounds very similar to many my DH and I have gone through in our marriage.

I'm uncomfortable with leaving conflicts unsettled and my DH is a conflict avoider. He doesn't like the whole process of arguing, negotiating and hashing out a problem. So, our backgrounds are very different as well.

We've dealt with many frustrating periods in our marriage but the good news is that MOST of us DO mellow with age and time! We ALL bring our own emotional baggage with us into a relationship, so what you're experiencing is nothing new.

One thing that helped us immensely is marriage counseling. When the same problems kept rearing their ugly heads over and over, and we never seemed to find solutions, we got a mediator. Just realizing that my DH was willing to see a counselor, which he had previously thought was stupid, was the best indicator of his sincerity and commitment to our marriage.

Hang in there, talk about how all this makes you feel and encourage her to do the same. It may not be easy to get past this rough patch, but with some patience and forgiveness, if it's truly meant to be, you will.

Just don't hesitate to see a professional if this continues because resentment and anger are real love and trust killers. And if she's the one with the trust issues, it's even more important to get help together. Good luck!

Pages