My lovers last sex life

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
My lovers last sex life
5
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 7:06am

Hi,

My boyfriend and I have a really healthy, fun, exciting relationship, as well as sex life. One thing is bothering me though. Early on, before we were in a serious relationship, I asked my boyfriend if he had ever had anal sex. In short, he did have anal sex, I don't know how many times, but at least a few with his ex-girlfriend of three years, his first love. - I've never had anal sex, but am not totally opposed to the idea - though it's not at the top of my list, and I'm quite nervous it will hurt like hell - but knowing they had anal, and therefore me assuming they had a fantastic, adventurous, amazing sex life - makes me feel like I may not be as good in bed, or less adventurous etc, because I'm not jumping to have anal.

My boyfriend said that it was 'something different to try' and that it wasn't a 'bad experience' for her, it was 'just something different.' - I think he was being cautious not to say that it was a really good experience, it sort of sounded like it was, even if he was trying not to build it up to perhaps make me feel the way I do now .. a bit inferior in bed!

He said he just like the 'idea' of it more than anything - the sort of stereotypical idea that it's a 'taboo' subject etc.

I enjoy our sex life, and I know he does too, but I cant help from feeling like ours is less adventurous than theirs was - and that maybe she was better and more fun in bed.

Any thoughts at all on this would be so helpful.

Also, if anyone is willing to be open enough to tell me their experience or anything they know about anal - and maybe how to do it comfortable and how to enjoy it - then I would greatly appreciate it!

Thanks -

HS

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 10:30am

Well, I'll chime in because DH and I recently had a discussion similar...only it was a bi issue. Knowing it is something he really likes the idea of, but we have never been there - mostly because I'm unsure of it. It was never a very big deal, just one of those "fantasy" things that sometimes heated things up.

Then....one day something somehow came up about a particular incident with his ex that I was totally unaware of. She had done that, and suddenly I felt so inferior. I became instantly worried about all of the same things you are going through.

He assured me that there is no comparison - things are just different with each person you come in contact with. Much like the way you have different types and levels of friendship with your circle of friends (maybe not the best analogy), but the point is...chances are he is NOT comparing. If he is, that's his loss!

Enjoy what you have - it sounds great!

I'm interested what the men in the group have to say...

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 12:23pm
I'm so turned off by anything dealing with the butt, that I lost desire, interest and for a while, the actual LOVE I had previously felt for my 2DH because he too alluded to me that he had done this terrible deed to others. I wouldn't worry about being compared as everyone is a unique individual and needs to be treated as such. Differant doesn't always mean better. So, don't let your insecurities about his past lovers run amuck in your mind. It's always better when you are being yourself, even if you don't do what prior lovers did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 1:24pm

I'm very curious why you would bring up that subject out of the blue before you were even in a serious relationship with him? Obviously, YOU have an interest in it. And YOU are the one who opened the door. Chances are it might NEVER have come up in your relationship if you hadn't started the conversation.

Are you aware there are three people in your bed now? You, your b/f, and his ex...and YOU are bringing her to your bed with you. What sense does that make? What he did before he met you has NOTHING to do with your relationship with him. And, if she was so great sexually, or any other way, why is he no longer with her? Obviously, anal sex doesn't make a relationship last! YOU need to get her out of your bed!

If you want to try anal sex, then tell him that. If he did it and enjoyed it, then he should know what he's doing and how to do it. If you like it, great. If you don't like it, then don't do it anymore. Obviously everyone is different.....some people love it, some hate it, some are disgusted by it, some are ambivalent. You won't know how you feel about it till you try it....but when you do, please leave the ex g/f in the past where she belongs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 3:37pm
Just because he had anal sex with his ex does not mean she was better in bed or they had an exciting superior sex life to what you and your man enjoy. It just means they did one "other" thing you two do not do. Maybe he wanted anal with her because she was loose elsewhere?.......If he is enjoying himself with you, having orgasms with you, then he is probably very happy with your sex life.To be his best sex partner,just decide to be the best at what ever you two decide to do, and do it with enthusiasm. The biggest turn on to most any man is to know his woman WANTS to have sex with him and does it willfully, wantingly, and often...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 6:15pm

That's like saying because he and the ex went bungy jumping once that they had a more exciting and happier life than you and him have now. You can't compare it. They did ONE thing that you haven't, there are things that you do that the ex won't have done. No, it's never much fun thinking about what the b/f and his exes did together but that's life too; you can't dwell on the past and the ancient "before-he-met-me" history in relationships.

Maybe he did enjoy it? Maybe he could take it or leave it. He obviously knows that not every woman automatically likes or enjoys or is happy to have anal sex as he's clearly being cautious with his responses. You would be cautious in the same situation - say talking about an ex b/f that had a larger penis that you enjoyed. At the same time, you could live without it. Your b/f is the same. It doesn't really matter what has gone before, overall he's happy with YOU. And if it bugs you THAT much, why not try it? Or spie up the sex life in other ways! Why sit around thinking about an exciting sex life? Why not actually make it happen? I'm not just talking about anal - there are all sorts of things that you could be trying and doing.