My man is Quick Draw McGraw...
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My man is Quick Draw McGraw...
| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 11:38pm |
So everytime my guy and I have sex it lasts only a few minutes. He says he can't help it. But then he does absolutely nothing to get me to orgasm and I think it's completely unfair. Another thing that is unfair is that he can't manage my vag but yet he always wants me to go down on him or do anal (umm no.). I think he shouldn't expect anything else until I can orgasm. It's only happened once and we've been together 2 years. Everytime I try to talk to him about it he says either I have to do something about it or that we aren't going to have sex until marriage. He even bought this "orgasm cream" and it just made my crotch feel on fire so that's a no. And I don't see how he expects me to do anything during it when it's going to be done before I even get started. Really what I'm trying to say here is that I need some help getting to O with my quick boy. Any suggestions? Oh and we're engaged so the breaking up issue I would like to be out of the question. I'm hoping I can figure out something so that we can stay together.
Thanks.
Thanks.

Engaged or not.....your guy has a problem, and it's called selfishness! He wants what he wants, and expects you to do it....but when he can't give you what he needs, he buys you a stupid "orgasm cream"? You should have rubbed it all over him...then maybe he would have gotten numb, and he could have lasted a while.
You know he could probably go on for hours, and you wouldn't have orgasms from just intercourse anyway......most of us have them, or start having them from clitoral stimulation....which if he is so disgusted by oral....he could at least use his hands.
He's selfish, and to punish you further, he's threatening to cut you off sex until you're married? Did you tell him no big loss? I would have! Honey, engaged or not, you need to think twice about marrying this selfish jerk! Don't even imagine it will get better once you're married, it won't, it will get worse! In a few years, you'll be out looking for a decent lover! If you can't fix it BEFORE you get married, expect nothing but Wham Bam, thank you ma'am for however long the marriage lasts.
There's more to marriage than sex, but this guy sounds like a controller, his way or no way.....and it's probably in other areas besides the bedroom. That is TOO funny, YOU'RE not satisfied because he's a lousy lover, and he's threatening to cut you off!!!
Unless he has a rare medical condition, he CAN help it. It's called exercising mental self control and being thoughtful of your lovers needs.
This isn't new for guys, most men need to LEARN how to control their orgasm. Mind over matter, just takes a little practice.
Wow .. I married a man like this (my last husband) and lived with him for 14 years always hoping it would get better. He refused to perform oral on me and refused to see that he had a problem. Oh about once a month when he had been drinking the sex was great but after he turned 40 it just really stopped almost completely. He bought me this use vibrator for Christmas one year which would have been fine if he had been willing to use it ON me which he wasn't. Other than that he was a wonderful man but he had such hangups about sex that we never fully connected no matter how much I complained.
It ended up being a major cause of our divorce. Don't marry someone with the idea you can change them because unless they are WILLING to work at changing .. it won't happen. I know that I couldn't live like that the rest of my life even though I gave up a lot when I divorced. Here I am .. 7 years later ... and FINALLY happy!
Good luck with him.
Welcome to the board nikkaykay.
I'm sorry to say, he's being selfish. Perhaps he is uneducated, and doesn't understand what a woman needs. There is a great website, the-clitoris.com. If I were you, I would have him read that. I might even buy him a book (a guide to better sex perhaps).
The most important thing that he will learn is that the better sex is for you -- the better it is for him in the long run. He can learn to hold back on his orgasm by practicing the stop-start method. He could be experiencing a medical condition, premature ejaculation as well. Here are a slew of articles you can have him read:
Understanding The Male Orgasm
http://www.askmen.com/love/love_tip_100/143b_love_tip.html
"Is it true that men can have multiple orgasms?"
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/sexexpert/qas/0,,696792_705897,00.html
PE:
"My guy suffers from premature ejaculation" (Please, Squeeze, At Ease)
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/sexexpert/qas/0,,696792_705900,00.html
Written by Ian Kerner who has overcome this himself.
Topical Spray May Treat Premature Ejaculation
http://health.ivillage.com/familycare/familycarenews/0,,wbnews_b6kgfrnk,00.html
Sex: Coping with Husband's Premature Ejaculation
http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxcommunicate/0,,6gtv,00.html
As others have said, he has to "want" this to work. It won't get any better once you get married, and you definitely deserve to have enjoyable sexual relations too!!!!
I know you don't want to end your relationship. Any chance you can get him to go to couples counseling or the two of you could see a sex therapist? IMO, at the very least, he has to try to educate himself to show that he has a "real" interest in improving the situation.
Good luck, and let us know how things go.
my partner in the siggy exchange