My man wants me to shave...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
My man wants me to shave...
47
Wed, 12-22-2004 - 12:49pm
My SO wants me to shave. He saw my "bush" the other day & said, "When are you going to shave that? It's a turn-off." I shave now -n- then, but I've gotten real slack lately w/ my hygiene. I told him, "It's my body & if I don't feel like shaving, I won't. I might trim it a little." He didn't say a daggone word after that. Not ALL women shave... in a matter of fact, most women don't b/c they don't feel they need to... and if their man ain't happy with it, they move on. A guy should respect your body. Am I right or am I right (being sarcastic)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 7:58am

<<She can respond either (i) "sure!", or (ii) "i prefer not to, but thanks for paying attention to me and i am glad you care!".>>


And if she chooses (ii) and he doesn't like it, what to do then? Does she shave to keep him happy? (that would be silly, as superficial things don't keep a relationship together) Or does she say "take me as I am or leave me?"

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 8:34am

>>She can respond either (i) "sure!", or (ii) "i prefer not to, but thanks for paying attention to me and i am glad you care!".<<
I think david's post, although a bit blunt and cruel, is very honest and to-the-point (But I definitely don't agree with telling another poster to delete or change their post, that's somewhat rude).

Really, the bottomline is, the OP either shaves or not... it's her choice. If she chooses not to, and her bf really is sooo bothered by her bush to the point where he's unhappy, then he should leave her and go find someone who shaves, and the OP should find someone who doesn't mind a bush (plenty of men like hair down there). She has the right to choose, and so does he. If they really want to stay with each other, then find a compromise, maybe the OP shaves twice a year or whatever. Don't make this a bigger deal than it is, if you want to stay with the guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 8:42am
What do you mean you've gotten slack with your hygiene? Maybe it's not really the pubic hair that is the issue, maybe that was his way of being kind about bringing up the subject, of your lax in hygiene. Shaving and hygiene are NOT one and the same, so am I misunderstanding? If it is that youn have as you say gotten lax in that area, maybe he was trying to find another way of saying: TAKE CARE OF YOUR SELF, THE WAY YOU ARE NOW IS A TURN OFF!
Sorry ot be so blunt, and if I misunderstood what you meant by being lax in your hygiene than I am sorry if I offended you.
Should he love you for who you are? YES, he should, but if hygiene was not a problem before and is now, don't you feel he has the right to let you know?
emtmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 10:52am
What ever you do to your body, do it for you not for HIM. I shave daily, but not because my BF likes it, but because that's what I prefer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Thu, 12-23-2004 - 9:14pm
I have never trimmed even one hair, so admittedly I have a pretty big bush, and I like it, but I would happily shave it off if I was into a guy and it really turned him on. I mean I guess I would -- not even entirely sure how to execute the plan perfectly. But in fairness it's not that much different that asking a guy to shave his face. I think it's important to pick one's battles but I'm not sure pubes or lack of them are all that interesting to fight over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 3:47am

david,

hehe =)

I don't mean to pounce on you and everything you say...

But I totally agree with what para said/disagree with you.

I stopped shaving and waxing. I won't do it anymore unless I want to, just for me. However, if I were to be with a guy that would *gasp* do what I wanted him to do with his pubes, (and facial hair too?!) then I would so meet him halfway and do whatever he wanted me to do to mine in return for his loving gestures! How hot is that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 1:50am

Your reply makes me want to cry.... I am "thebaddestchic." I refer to that name, also. I want to cry so bad. You are so right... ALL OF YOU ARE. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you so much. You guys opened up my eyes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 7:46pm

No dear, only you and your man can open the eyes in this situation through communication. Again, if I said anything that was rude to Mrs. Para, she'd be more than happy to let me know that what I said hurt her. All I'm saying is that you should be doing or at least should have done the same thing.

Only HE can open your eyes to what he is really like, not us guessers on the message board here, lol. ;)

My only point was that if I were the type that loved the Mrs. until she wasn't perfect enough for me anymore, then she'd drop me like a loaded diaper, not because she didn't care about me, but because that wasn't the relationship that I swore to provide her with. You have to decide how you're going to deal with him, but first you must communicate your issues with him, right? Right. Each relationship handles things differently, so you have to choose what way is best for yours. This world is so full of examples of what does and does not work out so well.

Are you sad because you noticed something in particular about him lately or is it because you actually DID try talking with him and it unfortunately went sour? Also, have you thought at all about the option of counseling if it was needed? Thats what we Paras would continue doing if we could afford it, I feel every couple could benefit even when they think they can't, but thats just my two cents.

Hope the best for ya.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 12:12am
I will get back to you on that.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 9:26am

Not every relationship needs to be 'saved', nor should it. Sometimes it's not even a relationship, it's two people that happen to be exisiting in the same space.

He puts you down and makes you feel bad. There is emotional and mental (physical?) abuse. He does drugs. He doesn't want to have sex with you. He makes you feel like a piece of meat. He criticizes your breasts and your genitals, you body. You are under constant stress and have chronic infections.

And you want to be with this guy for....what precisely? You haven't been together for years and just hit a rough spot, this sounds like it's been a toxic relationship from the beginning. If you were my daughter or my best friend, I wouldn't be telling you to go to counseling (do you REALLY think he's going to go and have a turnaround in his treatment of you?????)...I would be telling you to make some plans and get out of there and on your own as fast as possible. If it were me, I would be getting out ASAP, even if it meant living back home with my parents or sharing a cramped apartment with a half dozen other girls. If possible, I would go to counseling **AFTER** to work on my self esteem and find out that I really do deserve better. But I wouldn't go to counseling with the hopes that this so-called relationship will miraculously get better and everything will be rosy.

I would never encourage my DSD to stay in a 'relationhip' like this and try to make it work. That's what abused women have been told for years. This isn't about YOU, it's about HIM and there is nothing YOU can do to change him. Do you really want to hang around for another 30 years being treated this way?