My Man Will Not Put Out

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
My Man Will Not Put Out
18
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 12:54am
Hey! I have a problem...Me and my bf have been dating for almost 9 months. Our sex life SUCKS!. I have never been very sexual in the first place but this guy is ridiculous.One I ALWAYS have to initiate. Two it last about 2 minutes ( with the removing off clothes included). and Three he can go approximately a month without doing anything..And when we do have sex it is over quickly andhe can not go again or even continue with some kissing and touching ( i am lucky is he even tries to return the favor , which isn't the same cause I feel like he is not into it anymore. I wanna trust him that he is not with anyone else but this is soo depressing. When i tell him it is a problem for me that i feel unwanted and unattractive he pushes the subject off.. When i cry he tries to console me and promises he will change and we can work this out.. But I mean I get nothing..Not even heavy kissing or heavy touching. We see each other often enough and all he wants to do is watch movies or sleep. But when he eventually goes home we argue because not once did he touch me in an intimate way. I am not expecting a guy to be all over me 24/7 But come on..Maybe once a week even i could live with if it were meaningful and loving with him trying to overcome this problem. I care about him and I would be willing to work this out but how can i be with someone who makes me feel repulsive and not even care???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 5:42pm
Actually, I have done that...just grabbing it and gently stroking, and he still says "no, i'm too tired"!!! He says its not me it has nothing to do with me. Any other suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 1:51pm
yes...dont believe him..take him in your mouth..any man that is too tired for that is TOOOOO tired.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 5:51pm
Hump, I'm sorry but ignoring the protests of your partner is NOT the way to turn them on! IF he says he's too tired, then feeling pressured to enjoy even oral sex might seem dismissive and disrespectful of his feelings. She needs to find out why he's never in the mood for sex, not try to force sex on him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:12am

I agree! Why does a man not have the right to say no too? If he's refusing sex regularly, then instead of trying to essentially rape him, she needs to find out why, whether it's physical, emotional, mental, or some issue.

If I say no to DH - and I don't often but I have because I reserve the right to refuse sex - I don't want him pushing me and pushing me. If he tried the stunt recommended, I'd be highly ticked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:30am
Sorry, but I disagree...Some people just need a little stimulation to get into the mood..If there are substantial problems outside of the bedroom ,then thats another story.
Obviously good common sense comes into play.
I dont know the ages of these people, but ,especially if hes young, its not all that common to refuse sex..Sounds to me as if he isnt tired , sounds to me hes using sex as a weapon.
If he refuses sex on a regular basis, then there are deeper problems than just "being tired"
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:39am

And that's why it was suggested that she find out WHY he's never in the mood, not try and force sex on him and get rejected once again. That's just a vicious cycle that fails to solve the problem. He might even give in, but the problem remains.

Counseling, for a chronic problem, not attempting to force oral sex on him, would be a better option, IMO....regardless of age.




Edited 6/16/2005 11:40 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:04pm
ohmygod, i just posted almost the exact same problem.... WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?????
its not crazy that we want to have sex more than once a month. i mean, they are men, shouldnt they want it far more often than that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:13pm
no ive been told that 'he was too tired' when i wasnt looking for sex, i just wanted to do something for him. It really makes you feel horrible when your boyfriend turns down a blow job. seriously, it really just maked you feel like sh*t

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