Need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2005
Need advice
3
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 10:44pm

Hi,

I am new to the Board and stumbled on to this while browsing the net. I am 41 years old woman , married. I have a question on the relationships on the net. My 50 year old husband has not been sexually active for the past one year or so as he has problems with his erection. He has also the problem of high blood pressure and does not like use medication for the sex. My sex urge has been on the increase now and got into email friendship with a guy with whom I am chatting on Yahoo messenger these days. We started chatting on sex of late which I am enjoying . This guy is married and apparently does not have any problems with his marriage. He says he also enjoys talking on sex and this is helping his sex with his wife.

Although I also dont like to have any strain in my marital relationship, the urge for sex is leading me to talk on sex with him which I enjoy a lot and look forward to talking to him whenever possible (He does not come on line often). But I am confused whether I am cheating my husband by doing this ? I want to know whether any other women have similar expriences and how they cope with it. In fact one of these days I indirectly suggested for having cyber sex, but he feels that we may lose interest on each other may wane off by indulging in cyber sex. But I am increasing getting attracted to him and imagine him while I satisfy myself (I saw him when he switched on the webcam).

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 10:53pm

Does your husband know you're talking to this man? If you feel you have to hide it from your husband, then yes, it's cheating.

You need to talk to your husband about his problems, and he needs to talk to his doctor about it. If he has high blood pressure, then his medication is causing his erection problems. Has he told his doctor he's having problems? He might be able to use a different medication for the blood pressure.

Also, viagra might help him, but he has to ask the doctor about that. There's no shame in using help. After all, the ex president of the Unites States uses that help. Sex is important to a marriage, and even if he can't get an erection, there are things he can do to satisfy you, and things you can do to satisfy him.

Talk to your husband about sex, not a stranger.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 11:26pm

I feel the same. IF you wouldn't feel comfortable with your DH looking over your shoulder, then you shouldn't be engaging in conversations with this guy. He's married and you're married and the conversations have crossed the line and now you're becoming attached.

I do sympathize with your frustration since many men are embarrassed to talk about this subject with their dr. But, he needs to be reminded that you still have needs and that as your partner, he should want to provide for those needs. And that can either be with or without intercourse. He doesn't need an erection to provide you with pleasure.

And if you want to masturbate for someone, do it for your hubby. Who knows? That might get a spontaneous erection from him.

Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-22-2005 - 9:56pm

A man should not accept that his sex life is over at 50 years of age. Tell your husband to get to the doctor to tell him about his problem. It undoubtedly is his blood pressure medication. His doctor can switch him to another medication. The doctor is no mind reader. Your husband has to be up front with him.

Even if he cannot get an erection, that doesn't mean that he doesn't have a responsibility to see that your sexual needs are satisfied. You need to talk to him about your needs and then you would not be turning to strangers on the internet. As another poster suggested, try masturbating in front of him. Maybe seeing you getting arroused will get him arroused. Good luck and stay away from cyber sex or sexual chatting. That really is cheating.