Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Need Advice
5
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 1:27pm
I love my husband so much. We were married 4/26/03. Three months after, he was diagnoised with brain cancer. Prognosis is slim but we're very hopeful. I love spending time with my husband. We do a lot of hand holding, kissing, cuddling, etc. However, no love making. His medication has decreased/stopped his sex drive. I know its not his fault and love making should be the last thing on my mind. However, I'm missing having him inside me and be one with me -- the physical part of love. Its so hard. I take my vows very seriously..in good health and in bad. I do love him so much. And I don't want to push him or make him feel bad. God, i feel so selfish by even talking about this.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: coldreality
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:31pm
Coldreality, I'm so sorry for your situation. I know, somewhat, of what you're going through because I lost my mother to a brain tumor 6 yrs. ago but there is always hope and prayer.

As far as missing your sex life with your DH, that's completely normal. You are mourning the loss of your lover in a very real sense and you shouldn't be ashamed of that.

Do the best you can to be the support and encouragement he needs but don't ever feel bad about being human and needing love.

God bless you and your DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
In reply to: coldreality
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 12:42am
Please excuse my offensive Ivillage handle(long story), but I just wanted to send some hugs your way, and I can imagine how you're feeling. I would miss it as well.

And Kat, I'm sorry to hear about your loss too. :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
In reply to: coldreality
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 1:05pm
Dear CR,

This is such a hard time for you, don't add to it by beating yourself for wanting intimacy. I can only imagine how frightened you are and sexual intimacy can be very calming and nurturing. Check in with your body and your heart...I suspect what you really need is to feel safe and loved in this unsure time. Often times there are other ways to get those needs met, ways that would help your husband feel closer to you as well.

Love and blessings to you both.

Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: coldreality
Sat, 10-23-2004 - 2:00pm

Coldreality, I'm sorry for what you and your husband are going through.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
In reply to: coldreality
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 6:54am
I truly feel for you, and think in many ways you are an extrordinary person. I am living without sex right now as well, with the sweetest partner anyone could have. I still feel guilty. Have you talked to your partner?