Need advice on being sexy again.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Need advice on being sexy again.....
6
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 8:05pm
Hello everyone, I'm 27 yrs old mother of 4 and have been with my husband for 9 yrs. Needless to say my husband and I don't get a whole lot if time together. Juggling job's and 4 children, it's pretty tough to fit time in for us. At the end of the day when we do have time we are both so tired that sleep is the first thing on our mind. I wan't to change this, any advice on how I could change our daily schedule a bit. I have never been an open person when it comes to my body and being sexy. I need some serious help. I really don't know how to be sexy for him, it has alway's been the same things everytime we have sex. I know he is probablly frustrated with that, but he understands how I feel and accepts that. I just wan't to make him happy and spice things up so that he doesn't give up on me. Any advice is greatly appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 12:19am

It's called "priorities". Jobs, children, family, household chores, they're ALL important, but if your relationship falls apart, it's all for naught.

Long before you were a family, you were lovers. You have to MAKE time for each other. Get a sitter and go out once a week, or twice a month. Make time to be alone with each other. Dress up, make it special......or send the kids to grandma's for the night, and have a special dinner for the two of you....light some candles, rent a soft porn video, and have FUN with the man.

One day your children will grow up and leave home (hopefully, lol) and when that happens, what will you be left with? A stranger that helps pay the bills, or your lover and friend, the guy you married?

Go out, have a glass or two of wine, and when you do, your inhibitions will be lowered, and you'll think of things to do with and to him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 3:07pm

order some stuff from here www.krystels.com

Bet he'll love it

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 7:21pm

I know from experience that even grabbing a night out can seem like a chore - or you may not have the money. A sitter and a nice evening out can run $100 - we didn't have that kind of money for years to spend on 'fun'!

DH and I used to grab quickies when the kids were engrossed in an after-school TV show or video. Or while dinner was in the oven. It wasn't as totally satisfying as a long love fest would have been but it did keep the spark going and gave us a few giggles, being such naughty grownups. Even if we had to do it in the bathroom, we would. Try seducing him on the couch after the young'uns have gone to sleep. Sometimes just getting out of the rut of always being in the bed, at bedtime, with the lights out, can make a world of difference. And guys like being seduced - it's fun to not always have to be the initiator.

Another thing I made myself do when the kids were little was to tell myself that *tonight* we would have sex and I would wear something sexy, even if it was just a silky gown. As tired as I might be, I would give off the signals throughout the evening, a little fondling, a kiss, a touch, go soak in a warm tub for a few minutes, usually sipping a glass of wine or a mixed drink, then go 'slip into something comfy'. If we ate soup and sandwiches that night and the kids went without baths, so be it. Once I made up my mind that yes, we would do it that night, we did it. Making the evening easier (simple dinner, no chores) and taking an early shower or bath helped relax me and get me in the mood. Sometimes you just need to get started and you'll find yourself enjoying it even if you are tired.

Also, don't underestimate the allure of sexy underthings, to make YOU feel sexy. I definitely noticed a connection between feeling sexy and when I started to buy things in bright colors or with lace trim. If I have on a pair of red hot panties and bra under my business-like clothes all day, I can't help but feel sexy even if no one else ever knows. It has to start in the mind. And don't forget to get some sleep, even if means letting things go til the next night. Exhaustion is the biggest libido killer for mothers of young children. Just a refreshing night's sleep can make a world of difference the next day.




Edited 1/7/2005 7:23 pm ET ET by tally33
Avatar for luvmylittleones
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 9:20pm

Hi, I am also a 27yo mother of four, I feel where you are coming from. The days just do not have enough hours! I agree with what some of the other posters said, I think getting some time just for the two of you together will be extremely helpful (not a quick fix necessarily but redeveloping the relationship is vital). You did not mention how old your kids are, mine are all six or under so they still go to bed early. Are your kids good about going to bed? Can you make sure all chores are done before the kids bedtime one night a week and at least have a late candle lit dinner at home? Even something quick like a salad and cheese fondue or something and make a point to do that at least once a week so that you can reconnect and get yourself into woman mode rather than mom mode. I know how much a night out can cost when getting a sitter for four kids but if it is possible once a month it is really great to get away (neither of our parents can watch our kids, so if either of yours can you may have a cheaper option).

I also suggest exploring why you say you have never been an open person when it comes to your body and being sexy. If it is something you want to change you are the one that has the power to do that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 10:05pm

When our kids were small, my folks or Dh's folks were usually available to babysit, but there where times that they couldn't.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 12:33am
Sometimes it is the small things that get us headed in the right direction. Maybe the first changes you make could be when and/or where. Set the alarm a little early one morning and *rub* him awake. Invite him into the shower to *wash your back* on Saturday morning while the kids are watching cartoons. The intimacy created by stealing these few ordinary moments can go a long way to making you both feel sexier and more connected.