Need Advice on Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Need Advice on Sex
14
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 6:35pm

Hey everyone!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 6:44pm
A few questions to start with. Is he experiencing any job related stress? Are the two of you having any money troubles? Is he on any kind of regular medication? If he isn't having sex with you is he masturbating, and if so is he using porn to do it to? How's your relationship outside the bedroom — any other issues there?


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 7:17pm

"A few questions to start with. Is he experiencing any job related stress? Are the two of you having any money troubles? Is he on any kind of regular medication? If he isn't having sex with you is he masturbating, and if so is he using porn to do it to? How's your relationship outside the bedroom — any other issues there?"


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 7:28pm
So when you say that you're about ready to give up, what does that mean exactly? Are you considering leaving him? Having an affair? Would you be willing to stay in a marriage with no sex (barring medical reasons that precluded it, I know I wouldn't)?

I think you need to be blunt here if you want to have any chance of changing your situation. Let him know exactly how much of a problem this is for you, give him a fixed time period to change/fix it, or else... but first you need to figure out for yourself what the "or else" part is.



I'm very sorry that you find yourself in this situation, and wish you the best of luck in trying to work through it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 7:33pm

*Sigh* That's the hard part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 8:46pm

Welcome to the board, shrtnsasy.

Is there any chance that he's suffering from depression? Or that he might have any other health issues? Either could lead to loss of libido or problems with erectile dysfunction.

Would he consider going to see a sex therapist with you? I really think that would be your best bet if there doesn't seem to be a physical problem.





iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 8:52pm
Is it possible that he is doing this on purpose?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 8:58pm

"Would he consider going to see a sex therapist with you? I really think that would be your best bet if there doesn't seem to be a physical problem."


I would love that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 9:01pm

"Is it possible that he is doing this on purpose?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 9:06pm
If you're comfortable talking to your regular doctor or ob/gyn about this, he/she might be able to give you a referral to a sex therapist. Alternately, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists both certifies sex therapists and maintains an on line referral directory, and the American Board of Sexology also has an on line referral directory of sex therapists certified by their organization.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 10:25pm


"Would he consider going to see a sex therapist with you? I really think that would be your best bet if there doesn't seem to be a physical problem."

I would love that. I think it would help both of us. However, I'm not sure if he'd go for starters and secondly, I have no idea how to find one?

You can find one through this website. You should at least ask if he'll be willing to go. You'll never know unless you ask.
http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp

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