`Familiarity breeds "contempt". Maybe it should be called complacency. I wish I had an answer for your problem, but, if I did, I wouldn't have the same issue, myself. I will say, however, that four years is awfully soon in a relationship for this to occur. If you don't solve it now, then you will definitely be facing it much later.
It sounds like the two of you have become comfortable at avoiding sex, which can happen if some sort of priority isn't given to it. It also sounds like you might be dealing with a mismatched libido situation.
When you mention that he feels he gets turned down -- and you say you're not noticing his advances, I suspect that those are only half-hearted advances. The two of you definitely need to learn how to communicate (at least about this subject) better. Here are a few articles you might find helpful:
Typically, the more a couple has sex, the more they want to have sex. Unfortunately, that often has to be set as a priority because life has a way of keeping us busy. It might be helpful to set one or two days a week as "date night" and plan to have sex on those particular evenings. That might get you started in the right direction.
Keeping sex fresh is also something else that can be a boost to your sex life. While it may be difficult to start incorporating new things, the more often you are having sex, the easier it will become. Here are some articles that might help out there as well:
I wish I had an answer for your problem, but, if I did, I wouldn't have the same
issue, myself.
I will say, however, that four years is awfully soon in a relationship for this to occur.
If you don't solve it now, then you will definitely be facing it much later.
Though your post is light hearted and fun, it is clear that this is a serious issue to you.
Welcome to the board, Sandy.
It sounds like the two of you have become comfortable at avoiding sex, which can happen if some sort of priority isn't given to it. It also sounds like you might be dealing with a mismatched libido situation.
When you mention that he feels he gets turned down -- and you say you're not noticing his advances, I suspect that those are only half-hearted advances. The two of you definitely need to learn how to communicate (at least about this subject) better. Here are a few articles you might find helpful:
5 Secrets of Getting a Man to Open Up
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_79jcxw99,00.html
Solutions to Your Top Two Communication Problems
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_7p3g,00.html
30 Days of Great Sex
Step 4: Talk About Sex
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,nr21,00.html
Typically, the more a couple has sex, the more they want to have sex. Unfortunately, that often has to be set as a priority because life has a way of keeping us busy. It might be helpful to set one or two days a week as "date night" and plan to have sex on those particular evenings. That might get you started in the right direction.
Keeping sex fresh is also something else that can be a boost to your sex life. While it may be difficult to start incorporating new things, the more often you are having sex, the easier it will become. Here are some articles that might help out there as well:
Revive Your Sex Drive: How to Handle 10 Top Libido Killers
Take your passion off the back burner
http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/0,,9bp87snw,00.html?ice=iv|wb|sexhealing
Kiss Your Way to Better Sex
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexkissing/0,,7552m8mv,00.html
No Time for Sex?
http://www.redbookmag.com/love/no-time-for-sex
Banish Sexual Boredom
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexinthemood/0,,drpatti_1kkm,00.html
10 Things Good Girls Can Learn from Porn Stars
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,9x7nhpjx,00.html
Keep us posted on how things are going.