Need to get back into having sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2014
Need to get back into having sex
3
Sun, 03-09-2014 - 11:01pm

Hello,

I am new to the site and I just need someone to talk to about this.

I have been going on 6 years now without having sex. I broke up with my ex girlfriend about 7 years ago and I had a couple of flings here and there in the year after.

However, in the years since, I just haven't had much luck with women to even communicate with me, let alone have sex with me.

Any advice on how I can get back into the swing of things or at least to get my confidence back would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Ryan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2014
Mon, 03-10-2014 - 9:01am

Well i suppose you just need to get that ego up and libido back on track...

 

Start by socialising more, get out with your friends go to bars, clubs etc. It must have been quite an emotional break up for it to have affected your life this much and by the sounds of it you needed this break time to really consolidate your emotions and get in essence your life back on track. Since you have stated you want to get your love/sex life back this truly outlines to me that you are ready to meet another lady, but do not feel like you have to immediately get with the first girl who catches your eye? Take things slow, its obvious that your cofidence has been shattered due to your past relations therefore I would say you could join a new hobby, meet new people, this could open new doors for you. By having an interesting hobby gives a good start point to a conversation after all. Dont knock internet dating before youve tried it either, by even going on these sites will boost your confidence with women, we all know it is easier talking to us ladies by text than it is sometimes face to face and this will or could be a good start for you? Get on a dating site and get yourself known and see if you go on any dates? Some sites however can be very dodgy to beware of the false sites.

Lastly if you are feeling not very confidence about sex in general as it has been a while since any activity has occured, ensure yourself that you will get this cofidence back,  from personal expereince I find a guy who is not so confident in the bedroom to be a good/sweet thing, not all women do think this way but I know a load who do.... its all about the power in which a girl feels when she is in the bedroom with a man who hasnt had an active sex life for a while, and this can be a turn on to us....

So over all dont get down about the situation, go out have fun, and see where things take you , start new hobbies, meet new people, and start a new you :D x

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2014
Mon, 03-10-2014 - 9:35pm

Thank you for the kind words! I get myself down a lot when it comes to rejection. It has happened to me a lot over the past few years so I'm trying to get my confidence back. I also get a little paranoid when I'm trying to talk to a girl on a dating site and they don't message me for awhile. I get myself worked up, because I question if I did something wrong to chase them away. 

I never used to be like this, but as I'm getting older, I just feel like I'm losing time. Maybe I'm just a head case, I don't know.

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 03-11-2014 - 3:28pm

I think you need to concentrate on doing things that make you happy.  Happy people attract other happy people.  Is there a sport or a hobby that you love?  Getting involved with things you enjoy will put you in contact with others with the same interests.  Being knowledgeable about something helps with confidence too, and that confidence can spill over into other parts of your life.  Talk to people wherever you go.  Be interested in them.  Keep yourself current on the news and politics so you can talk about lots of things.  Go out with family and friends, just to have a good time.  You never know who you might meet, or where.  Make yourself happy first.  Desperation is not appealing (not saying you come across that way).  Keep your chin up, and smile!   You can do this!

I have no experience with on-line dating but I think it must be very difficult and discouraging trying to meet people that way.