Need Guys Advice about Conservative Man

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2005
Need Guys Advice about Conservative Man
4
Sun, 05-08-2005 - 10:39pm
I am happily married to an older man (he's 13 years older). I love him dearly but he is very traditional. He's kind of like Oliver North or Bill O'Reilly. He always takes care of my needs first (sexually) but I wonder if I am taking care of his needs. I love being on top because he always watches me when I'm up there so I know he is really turned on & that turns me on. However, he has never told me what he wants (we've been married 15 years). I want it a little rough but I'm afraid if I'm assertive, this will turn him off. When I recently asked him to pick out an outfit for me from Victoria's Secret, he choose a white, lacy feminine outfit. I am very attractive and always get noticed (by both men and women) when we go out. However, I do not dress in a sexy manner, but definitely on the feminine side. Am I missing something? Should I just keep my fantasies (rough sex sometimes, not all the time) to myself? I love this man dearly and don't ever want him to think he is not satisfying me. I would appreciate the male point of view.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 7:51am

Well, I'm not a male but as someone who is married for 25 yrs, what works is communication.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 11:56am

Well, I'm not a male either but I've been married to one for 28 yrs. so I can only tell you what I've learned. Men love surprises, love being romanced, seduced and desired as much as we do. They enjoy spontaneity and routine. They love the expected and the unexpected.

There is no reason for you to NOT share your thoughts and ideas with your DH for fear of a negative reaction. He knows that you love him so he will likely do what he's always done...try and meet your needs.

Ask him to share his desires by sharing yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 5:52pm

I would think that it would be no different if the positions were reversed. How would you feel if you knew that he was holding back with some of his sexual fantasies? You'd want to know and while you might not feel comfortable with some of them you would want to try what you did feel comfortable with, wouldn't you?

Talk to him.
Whisper in his ear how you want him to "have his way with you tonight" and "be a little rough". You should be able to gauge his reaction from that. It sounds like he's got quite the romantic style in the bedroom and while he's not likely to smack you around kinda-rough, he could probably work with the "rough and ravished" style into his routine without too much mental anguish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 6:10pm

His politics don't matter. Conservatives like sex, too.


Unlike the other posters, I am male, but I agree completely with their advice. Simply tell him what you want!


After DW and I had been together 10 years, she surprised me one night by whispering a couple of requests that were pretty out of line with what I thought she liked. Turns out she'd been having some passing fantasies, and if she hadn't told me, I never would have tried what she wanted me to do. Now that fantasy is a regular part of our sex life.


So some night when you're getting ready to make love, try whispering "give it to me rough, big boy" or some such thing and see if he takes the hint.

--


martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!