Need help about being confident...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Need help about being confident...
11
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 4:28pm
If any of you have seen 'Chasing Amy' you probably understand my situation. When I met my girlfriend it seemed as if she was extremely attracted to me with incredibly large penises (ex. 9-12 inches). And her previous two boyfriends were also extremely large. Knowing this at first didn't bother me in the least because I was pretty much always confident with what I had. "I'm average", that's how I always viewed it. But when it seemed like whenever she mention one of her ex's the first thing I would learn about him is how large his penis was. And I must also include that she is much more sexually experienced than I am...me being a virgin...and her being very openly bisexual. Now that we've actually fooled around and she has seen my penis...she wears that it's great and that she is happy with it, when previously in conversation (before she knew how large I was) she stated that a man of my size would be inadaquate and would be unable to please. I am having a hard time believing her when she says she is satisfied with it because I feel like she is just saying that to make me feel better. We haven't slept together yet and I'm still a virgin, but now I am even more hestitant because I feel like I can't please her.

I remember one of the things she used to say was, "I like big penises. You can't fault me for that and it's not going to change."

Now, that's true I can't fault her for having a preference, but is it weird for me to be a little insecure since I have been dating her?

Anyway, any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 5:17pm
I have to wonder why she's with you.....which has nothing to do with you, but with her shallowness, and her continual going on about large penises. I feel sorry for you, and I wonder if she's the right person for you.....for many reasons. It's unfortunate that she is so hung up on penis size, because when a woman cares about a man, she'll care about him no matter WHAT size his penis is.

A man's penis is only ONE tool he has to make love to a woman, and a man who's a good lover knows that, and doesn't rely on the size of his penis to get women, or to give them pleasure. A man with an average penis can be a much better lover than a man with a large penis, if that man doesn't know how to please a woman.

The reason I wonder about your "relationship" with her is that she's already made you insecure, and you have nothing to be insecure about. SHE is very shallow, and she might be "experienced" but she sure doesn't know anything about how to talk to a man, and what to say to make him happy. What if you'd turned out to be just "average"? (And you KNOW that you're larger than average!) Would she have taken one look, and said sorry, you don't have enough for me? That tells you how much feeling she has for you, or for any man.

I don't know how old you are, but irregardless of that, the first person a "virgin" is with (male or female) will change their life.....and will give them feelings that they might carry for the rest of their life. This woman has already made you insecure, and you haven't even had sex yet!

What you need to do is find a woman who will make you feel loved and appreciated for what YOU are, not what size your penis is. This one is so unfeeling that she's already made you insecure, and if she doesn't like something you do, she can destroy your future confidence in other relationships. I'm sorry she's already done this to you, and I hope you won't let her continue to tear you down. On top of everything else, she's bi-sexual, and the way she talks to you will make you insecure about your relationship, and not only will you wonder if she's looking at other men, you have to worry about if she's looking at other women, too. She sounds very mean spirited, selfish, and unfeeling, and I think you could do better for your first relationship. You WERE confident with yourself till you met her....and you should be. You're larger than average, and as long as you fully understand that there is more to making love than your penis, there are many women out there that you can make VERY happy, and who won't tear down your confidence.

Just my opinion. You won't need help with confidence if you're not with a person who tears it down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 5:23pm

Some women the penis size matters to,


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 6:45pm

Oh, how awful for you.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-17-2004 - 10:04pm
no matter how big her ex's penis was, she is now with you not with her ex. that means there's something she sees in you that she didn't see in him.

there is nothing you can do about penis size, but there is a lot you can do in learning to please a woman and it's all that other stuff that truly gives her pleasure.

in spite of her previous comments, she said she liked yours. why not believe her? if it was that important to her and yours didn't meet her needs she would have been out of there by now.

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-18-2004 - 10:28pm
Just because she was insensitive or rude, doesn't mean you have to be. I don't have a hard time imagining a guy talking about liking big breasts (as insensitive as that may be to his partner), this is just the flip side of that. Yes, she was thoughtless in her comments, but I don't see that as a reason to break things off (unless she continues making the same comments). I think this is as much an issue about his feeling insecure that she has more experience than about her comments about liking big penises. It sounds like she made those comments previously, but has since stopped, and is satisfied with him. Unfortunately, when we are insecure with ourselves, comments that would roll off others somehow burrow in our brain and keep coming up, reinforcing our insecurity.

To the OP, like I said before, learn to be a good lover by communicating with your partner about her needs and expressing your own. Knowing how to satisfy your partner is one sure way to boost your confidence.




Edited 7/18/2004 10:32 pm ET ET by sugarbeat

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 11:22am
Maybe she has discovered that feelings can matter more than penis size. I think you should be honest with her, ask her why she is telling you this knowing that you are average. What does she hope to gain by making you feel insecure?

BEFORE you actually consumate your relationship....get this worked out. Why get more emotionally tied to someone who has made it clear that you don't meet her "physical requirements."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 11:24am
Marisu, this viewpoint from a husband...

I OBVIOUSLY agree with most of what the other posters were saying. I DO believe, however, that you do have something to feel unsecure about. Being who you are and blessed with what you have is not something to be insecure about, but this relationship you have needs a closer look, IMHO, according to what you've shared so far.

All of your feelings are, IMO, justified. Lets face it, what normal guy WOULDN'T feel the way you have thus far, right? Let me share something for you to compare by, then you make the necessary decisions you need to make for yourself:

My wife had been more active than I when we first met. We did NOT fit well together at all, too tight, too big, it hurt. She NEVER mentioned her previous relationship (for her it was just the short lived one prior to me), she never hinted that it would never work, and she never let me get away with feeling insecure about myself either. It really wasn't working, but we were committed to staying a couple regardless. Eventually we worked it out to pretty much irresistible perfection today. Now Marisu, if that is the type of relationship you are needing compared to the one you have now, then I, like many others, am living proof that it DOES exist. I'm not saying that your new girlfriend 'meant' to hurt you, but that type of insensitivity is a prelude to your future relationship with her, and insensitivity reveals in many cases--whether that be this case or not--a true lack of concern for you. Post back again...don't leave us hangin'!

:)

chin up!

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 5:13pm
First, I would like to thank all of you for your kind and informative replies. Secondly, I would like to apologize for me taking so long to reply back to you guys. It has taken me a while, but I did build up the courage to talk to her about it. I guess it was a mixed bag as far as results are concerned, but I am glad that I did it. I told her how she made me feel and how I am insecure and everything. And she said that I had nothing to be insecure about and that she was completely satisfied with what I was given. But she also said, she didn't feel sorry for what she said because she feels that all women have a natural affinity towards larger penises.

Now, I'm not a woman so, I don't know if this is true. But while talking to my sister on an unrelated subject, she very openly told me that she and her group of friends found it to be disgusting for a man to be larger than 7 inches. Anyway, what do you think of what she said. And should I still consider breaking up with her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 7:26pm

Hon, she should feel sorry for what she said....because she hurt you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 7:40pm

<> No, that is not a true statement.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

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