Need help asap-maturbation

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Need help asap-maturbation
14
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 10:45am
I was just wondering if anyone else had this same problem. My fiance is thinking of leaving me because of it. He catches me masturbating at night when he isn't there when he walks in or when we're in bed and he's asleep. I honestly don't know that I am even doing it. I don't think of anything either. The only way I know is because my fingers are wet and they smell like down there. I even try to think about not doing it and then end up doing it. He says he has grabbed my hand and i just pull it away from him. The whole time I think I am asleep but wake up when he is yelling at me. Do I have a complex and what do I need to do? The sex we have is great better than anyone but he is hurt and I don't know what to do and He is thinking of leaving. Please help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 10:50am

Your fiance is the one with the complex.

Why does this bother him so? Masturbation is the most natural thing in the world and I truly feel sorry for those that cannot loosen up enough to give themselves this pleasure.

Does your fiance not masturbate? Why? And, if he does, why does he have a problem with you doing it?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 11:09am

I agree with Jackson! Your fiance' is the one with the problem! WHY is he watching you sleeping anyway?

How can you hold someone responsible for something they're doing when asleep?! They're unconscious, for goodness sakes!

And for all he knows, he's masturbating when HE'S asleep, too! Maybe you should stay awake one night and watch him!

Seriously, if this is taking nothing away from your sex life together, then he needs to figure out why this bothers him so much and get some counseling if needed. Very odd.




Edited 6/13/2005 11:12 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 11:11am
I don't know if he does. It thought guys do it alot but he says in the 6 months we've been together he hasn't. he has asked me to not do it but I don't even realize I am doing it so how to stop?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 11:30am
The only thing it takes away from our sex is that he gets pissed and won't do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 11:49am

Zolman,

The problem is not yours...the problem is his. He is taking personal something that is not about him at all.

Peace.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 12:00pm

IF he is angry, what is he angry about? I'm having a hard time understanding what masturbation has to do with him. Particularly if your sex life is satisfying for both of you.

I hope you realize that this issue is about him? He either has some religious beliefs that are conflicting with his viewpoint or more likely he has serious self-esteem problems.

He said that since he's been with you he hasn't masturbated. What is virtuous about that? This situation isn't even something that you can negociate because you are asleep. If he was uncomfortable with it and you were awake, you could make the decision to masturbate in the other room, but since you are asleep what are you going to negociate?

This has be puzzled.

Good luck.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 12:06pm
but what do I need to do to stop and prove to him I love him and he isn't inadequate?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 12:24pm
I know I am confused and love him more than anything. He does get jealous but we are both good looking people and we could both get other people btu I don't want that at all and actually since I've been with him no one has even caught my eye. I'm not cheating on him and don't even know I'm doing it but how do I consciounsly make my self stop is this because of my hormones and birth control?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 1:12pm

He has the problem, not you.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-13-2005 - 3:17pm

Other than taping your hands above your head, or wearing a chastity belt to bed, there IS nothing you can do to control what you do when asleep!

I think you need to have a serious heart to heart with your guy and ask him to get some much needed help. Maybe hearing from a professional that masturbation, particularly in your case, has nothing to do with dissatisfaction or anything else to do with him.

Your guy seems to have some serious control or insecurity issues though.

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