need help communicating this

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
need help communicating this
6
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 9:53am

My bf and I have been seeing each other for 2 months..

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 10:32am

Welcome to the board, skittlesrock.

Have you tried talking to your BF outside of the bedroom about how you feel? Maybe try having a conversation, letting him know that you're ready to have sex, but that you would like your first time with him to be tender and romantic.

There is a chance that he learned about sex from porn -- and that's how he thinks it's suppose to be. It could also be that he just prefers his sex a little on the wilder side. Not talking about it is likely to build up hard feelings. You'll be hesitant with him, and he won't know why. It might make him think you're not really into him. Some people are not sexually compatible either, but usually, you can find a compromise that works for both of you. I know in our relationship, we do some of both, and that works well for us.





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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 11:40am

I would love to have a conversation like that.. but don't know how to start it..


I also enjoy watching and performing porn, but not for the first time or all the time.. I am a normal woman who likes intimacy and soft romantic loven..

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 2:07pm

I'm not sure what you mean by "porn" foreplay, or "porn" sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 4:11pm

"I would love to have a conversation like that.. but don't know how to start it.."


An old trick I used to use to get me past the "omg I can't say THAT" mental block...


"I read an article/poll/whatever in and it was saying that . It is a very effective way to break the ice on a subject, as well as keeping it objective/non-critical.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 5:21pm

If you're not comfortable talking to him about it, what about showing him? Perhaps tell him you have something planned for Saturday night (or the night of your choice). Then go about preparing a romantic atmosphere. Fix a nice, but lite dinner, set the mood with music, candles and the clothes that you wear. If he starts to do something that you consider too porn like, tease him by saying something like "oh, no, not yet" or "oh, no, not like that", and then show him when/what you want.

I know it can be difficult to open up and feel comfortable talking about sex with a new partner, but if you think about it, you're revealing less of yourself in conversation than you are in the bedroom. If you're ready to take your clothes off, you should be able to feel comfortable talking to him too.

Here are a couple of articles that you might find helpful too:

Speak Up! Ask Him for What You Want
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7ffztdxn,00.html

Make Him Crave You
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsunderstandmen/whathewants/0,,hp6c,00.html

Five Steps to Being a Brilliant Lover
http://traceycox.ivillage.com/love/2007/06/five_steps_to_being_a_brillian.html

Let us know how things go.





Meet BOB, My New Best Friend!




follow me to my partners in the siggy exchange:


DIY Brides ~ Betrayed Girlfriends Support





iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 8:08pm

I absolutely love that idea!!

Gina