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need help or advice
| Wed, 06-15-2005 - 3:01pm |
My boyfriend complains that my vagina is inconsistant, and he is right. I know this is weird, and for me embarrassing. He complains he often cannot touch the sides of my vagina, too large. If we had a lot of sex i get tighter, i think from swelling and irratation. But it is at this time i give him most pleasure. I know something must be wrong he says i need to be consistant, when i become to large, he says he thinks maybe i have recently been with someone else, which is not true. he is average sized in penis, i feel i have had this problem for long time, just he has been more open to talk to me about it. please cannot someone tell me how i can make sex more pleasureable for my partner, that they don't fall into a bottomless, or sideless pit?

No, nothing is wrong with you
Well...it's unlikely that you're too large because some of the time you seem very tight. It goes to show you that it's not your anatomy at all, but other factors; most likely the amount of arousal and the consistency or amount of natural lubrication you're producing.
I've been having sex for over thirty years and 27 of them with the same man. Intercourse, like any other sex act is never consistent. Sometimes it feels unbelievably great and other times, it feels just good. Same with oral, same with manual. You can't predict how your body will react and it has nothing to do with the size of your vagina. I think that many women hear rumours that their vaginas will stretch out if they have too much sex or have sex with a large man. It's total ignorance about the abilities of the vagina. The hormone estrogen is responsible for the elasticity of the vagina. That elasticity allows for it to return to it's normal size even after passing a large baby through it. If you don't believe me, stick a finger inside of yourself and you'll feel your vagina "hug" it. It's because the vagina is not a hole; it's a potential space. The walls are collapsed when unaroused. In fact, let your BF place his finger inside and see for himself.
Tell him that you have no control over how you feel, anymore than he can control the strength of his erection. You know you could turn this on him and tell him that maybe he's just not "as hard" and that's why it doesn't seem tighter at times. How would he like that? Please go to the-clitoris.com and read about your body and how it works....and make sure he reads it with you.
There's nothing wrong with your body...so get that out of your head. Sex in and of itself is inconsistent...that's why it's an adventure each and every time. Sheesh...I wish I could re-enact some of the most incredible orgasms I've had in the past. It just doesn't work that way. And anyone who tells you it does, is a liar. tee hee
Edited 6/15/2005 4:41 pm ET ET by rain_dancer_iam
" He says that I need to be more consistent?" And how does he propose that you do that, pray tell? LOL! Really, it's ignorant statements like those that cause a lot of unnecessary grief for many young women.
Honey, don't let him put these ridiculous thoughts in your mind! You know it's very possible that it's his erection that is "inconsistent." Men can get better or lesser quality erections which will affect his pleasure as well as yours! So, tell him to "get harder NOW!" And when he can learn to consciously direct his own blood flow, then he can clue you in on how it's done. LOL!
Tell your BF to lay off the silly remarks and do a better job of arousing you and maybe, just maybe, he will find the sex is more "consistent."
Edited 6/15/2005 5:36 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
Hey kymist. First of all, BIG congrats on being able to communicate...that in my opinion is what opens the door to helping resolve any of the other issues. Good for you. :)
Granted, he feels what he feels and he was honest enough to discuss it, but I agree with the mindset that he does need to become more educated about the female anatomy...and that website Tish provided a link to is a GREAT place to start.
Its just not going to feel the same every single time. Sometimes intercourse may feel deeper than at other times, sometimes it feels tighter, sometimes lasts longer, its just not going to be the same or consistent all the time. One thing that has been productive in many cases like this is . Here's a couple of links that you may find fun and maybe even helpful if he continues to have issues with whatever you enjoy:
10 Hot New Positions
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/sex/no/articles/0,,166928_633458,00.html
5 Pleasure-maxing positions
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/sex/no/articles/0,,166928_547497,00.html
C H A R A C T E R
>>But i was also confused, because my bf says i am shallow.<<
No wonder you're confused. First you're too big and wide and then you're too shallow! LOL! The problem is that your b/f has no idea what he's talking about.
Having a tilted uterus is not uncommon so don't worry about that. It's possible that it makes you "shallow" because when your b/f penetrates you, his penis hits the side of your vagina before it goes in deep(I'm not a doctor, so my little theory may be wrong, but it sounds good). That's why it would feel shallow to him. I would have actually thought that was a good thing, his penis is getting more friction against it as it slides in and out.
Another thing is that his average penis may be part of the problem. While he complains about your vagina, it's entirely possible that his penis isn't big enough and it may be smaller than average. That wouldn't help matters either! :-)
Choice of position will make a difference. Some positions allow for deeper or tighter penetration too.
Check reading more and checking out some more sites. You'll be able to figure out for yourself what's going on if you learn what to expect from your body and not worry about what someone that knows very little about a woman's body has to say.