need help with oral
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need help with oral
| Thu, 07-22-2004 - 12:08am |
I never thought I had a problem with oral sex; have actually been told I did it quite well in the past. But, my boyfriend doesn't feel the same. He told me in the beginning of our relationship (6 months ago) how he preferred it to be performed on him. I tried my best...had never used that particular technique before. I didn't think it was going that bad, but he has never came when I perform it. To make matters worse, I know that his ex-girlfriend did it quite to his liking...and since he knows I know this, I think he feels very uncomfortable when I want to "practice", even though he says that practice is all we need to cure this problem. He probably feels obligated to get off, and I understand this. But now what do we do? We got in a horrible fight about this last weekend...well, we were both drunk, so that didn't help. I guess I was prying into oral sex with his ex (I don't remember)---he said that he felt "backed against a wall", and he went off and said that his ex used to do it in the truck and he'd come in her mouth, and that I SUCK! He later said I didn't suck, that he was just mad and looking for the meanest thing to say at the time, but I'm worried about this. I read in a book called What Do Men Want that if you are not giving your man good oral sex, he will CONTINUOUSLY think about the last person/time he got it. He claims this isn't so and didn't have oral sex from his ex-wife for 6 years....but I am tending to believe the book. And I don't want him to always think of his ex as the blow job goddess.

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Whatever his problem is, it's HIS problem, and has nothing to do with you, or the way you're doing anything. But, you're allowing him to blame YOU for his problem. Stop being a doormat for him, and allowing him to blame you for his inadequacy.
But if he doesn't want you to practice....and that makes me laugh because my DH WANTS me to practice ALL the time(!), then he'll just have to get used to YOUR technique, won't he? Or do without altogether.
Maybe you should ask him if you should "practice" on someone else? Since he doesn't like you practicing on him, tell him you'll take his technique and practice on another man until you've "perfected" it and then MAYBE you'll come back and show him what you've learned. Meanwhile, is he satisfying you completely? If not, start telling him how to "do" it better.
Jenn
Is he complaining about the way you do oral? Or is he merely telling you that he can only get off if this technique is done? Those are two different things. Sometimes a sex act will feel good but not trigger an orgasm. And he may be feeling bad that he has to have a specific technique in which to orgasm. And he may be feeling bad that you are feeling you have to practice this technique.
It sounded from your post that your reason for wanting to practice isn't because he is complaining but because of something written in a book. He has told you that he isn't thinking of his ex as his best oral sex. But you are feeling that he is comparing your technique to hers. Why is that? Is that also because of the book? If it is, throw the book away. Listen to what he tells you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to practice this technique but if either of you are feeling anxious about it, it isn't likely to be effective anyway.
We all want to be the best sex our SOs have had. But it really isn't all that important in the whole scheme of a relationship. Instead of fretting over your expertise, just enjoy the sex you are having. Sex isn't going to keep him in this relationship anyway. There is a whole lot more to a lasting relationship.
Good luck!
Robin
He doesn't complain about the way I do it...but I know that it's not as good as his ex. I do feel like he's comparing because when he tells me how he likes it, it's obviously the way that she used to do it...and I'm not doing it as well as she did. And I do think that his ex gave him his best oral sex...his ex-wife didn't do it at all because he said she was awful at it.
I realize that the whole relationship doesn't revolve around sex and if I'm better than his ex. But I have overheard him say that his ex was the best sex he ever had...and to hear that hurts like hell. So when you don't feel like you're adding up, and you tell him this, he tries to protect you and make you feel like you're doing just fine. But when you can't get him off orally, it causes strain in the relationship. And I'd like to end that strain...just not sure how.
Robin
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