Need a little advice... or something.
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| Sat, 12-02-2006 - 3:32am |
Hi all!
I would love a little advice if possible, on a couple issues.
First, my fiance and I have been together off and on for 10 years(broke up once, and we've been back together for 2 years now). I love him, and we have a pretty open, honest relationship. I'm not saying things are perfect, but we don't have any serious problems or anything like that.
My issues are probably selfish ones, I'll warn you guys up front. :/
First, I'm the kind that doesn't really care a whole lot about sweet, romantic stuff.. I'm not much of a cuddler, though I will cuddle with him because he really likes that. It's nice, sometimes. He's very loving and always makes sure I get off, which is sweet, and I try to go the extra mile for him as well.
Second, I like sorta rough sex. Mostly, I prefer it nice and hard and fast. I really like deep, fast penetration, and that sort of thing. I like some of the mildly rough stuff... nothing that would leave marks or anything. Well he's not really comfy with that, and that's okay... I knew this from the start and I know that if I ask him to, he'll step it up a notch for me. But I really love the feel of our bodies working together, fitting together the way they should, and toys cannot achieve that.
Ok, having said that, I'll get to the point.
We can't have intercourse. There are two reasons, and they kinda work against each other. One is that he's unfortunately small. Flaccid, he's actually inverted, and fully erect he isn't 2 inches from base to tip, and it's not very thick either. The second reason is because he can't stay fully erect because he's worried about the first reason. Now, I'm not sure if we could do anything if he was able to stay erect... though I know that I'm not too loose for him. When he inserts a finger, I can feel every bit of it. And it does feel nice, as do dildos or vibrators, but they just aren't the same.
I must point out that I do not EVER make him feel bad about anything. I feel no resentment or anything like that toward him. I don't feel like it is his fault or that he can't satisfy me. He does everything he can to help me stay satisfied. I do the same for him. We're just kind of limited, and honestly, oral is wonderful but it's not everything. And after a while of fingers/toys, I get kinda raw down there.
I am wondering if it could be a weight issue. He's quite a bit overweight, and I am curious about how that affects everything for guys.
So.. I guess I'm craving the sheet-clutching sweatfests. I'd never consider cheating or anything like that. I'm just kinda being selfish I guess.. but I occasionally find myself thinking, "Yikes.. I'll never have that again..."
I don't even really know what advice I'm asking for... I guess there's not much of an answer to, "What should I do?" ... because I suppose there is nothing *to* do, right?

Your b/f being overweight can have an effect on his ability to keep an erection.
I don't know if you're a "fan" of Oprah, or if you ever have seen her show, but she has a frequent guest named Dr.Memet Oz. He's written several books about general health, how the human body functions, etc. I haven't read the books, but his "advice" on many subjects is right on track medically. His last visit was about "weight", what causes it, what problems it causes, etc. It's not a diet book.....it's a book of facts. Facts that can help you live a healthier lifestyle....and lose weight in the process.
He mentioned that our waist measurements can tell us a lot. Your waist should measure no more than 1/2 your height. Anymore than that, your body carries too much fat, it's unhealthy for your heart, etc. A man who is 6' tall (72") shouldn't have a waist bigger than 36"!
What he also said was that if a man loses 35 pounds, he can gain one inch of penis. I know that sounds ridiculous, but he went to to explain that. Males and females have a pubic bone, and there is a "fat pad" over that bone. Whenever someone is overweight, more fat accumulates in specific areas, the waist, the face and neck, and the pubic area. When you lose weight, a lot of that fat melts away.
The shaft of a man's penis starts deep within his body, just as the female clitoris does. If some of the fat on the pubic bone goes away, more of the shaft is exposed..ergo, more lenghth! It makes sense.
So, as Tish said, your fiance should get a GOOD physical, and then if everything else is ok, get on some kind of weight loss program. Not only will it be good for his health, it could provide other benefits. Also, even a younger man who is overweight can have a mild case of diabetes and high blood pressure, BOTH of which can cause erectile problems. Simply losing the weight will "cure" both of those problems.
Dr. Oz's books are available everywhere.....the first one is "YOU, the owners manual" and the newest one is "YOU on a diet, a waist management manual".
Check them out at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/s?search-alias=stripbooks&field-keywords=dr%20mehmet%20oz&lposid=u7-8535348-1,C,1663
Thanks for the advice... I will suggest a checkup to him. :)
Tish, you said:"As for rough, harder sex and you said sex toys don't accomplish the feleing of your bodies working together, have you considered or tried DP? Him plus a sex toy occasionally?"
No, I've never tried that, mostly because it would have to be two toys right now. We just can't have any sort of penetration unless it's fingers or toys... and fingers get painful after a few. Mebbe we could try 2 toys.. I might suggest a trip to the little shop near me.... that could be fun, hehe. :)