Need a little/lot of advice..
Find a Conversation
Need a little/lot of advice..
| Tue, 12-21-2004 - 9:11pm |
I have never really done anything like this, but feel like it is necessary....ok here goes:
I have been very happily with my boyfriend who treats me like a queen for a little over 9 months. I would say that for the first 6 months, we had amazing head spinning sex. Although we only saw each other on the weekends, we still managed to get at least 3-4 sessions in during that time. Unfortunately, I have noticed (and he has too) that now whenever we make the attempt to be intimate, he is able to hold his erection until we have intercourse and then he either loses it or ejaculates within seconds. He is also able to hold his erection during oral sex. He is very frustrated about the situation as am I and I am not really sure what to do. I am completely supportive and we have tried various techniques but nothing seems to work. I am starting to get the feeling that my body is unsuitable for him. (down there) I care for him very much as does he but it is frustrating. We have even prolonged foreplay (on my behalf) so that I am somewhat satisfied. But I want to feel him in me and feel that closeness......Please help this has gone on for 3 months too long....any advice.
I have been very happily with my boyfriend who treats me like a queen for a little over 9 months. I would say that for the first 6 months, we had amazing head spinning sex. Although we only saw each other on the weekends, we still managed to get at least 3-4 sessions in during that time. Unfortunately, I have noticed (and he has too) that now whenever we make the attempt to be intimate, he is able to hold his erection until we have intercourse and then he either loses it or ejaculates within seconds. He is also able to hold his erection during oral sex. He is very frustrated about the situation as am I and I am not really sure what to do. I am completely supportive and we have tried various techniques but nothing seems to work. I am starting to get the feeling that my body is unsuitable for him. (down there) I care for him very much as does he but it is frustrating. We have even prolonged foreplay (on my behalf) so that I am somewhat satisfied. But I want to feel him in me and feel that closeness......Please help this has gone on for 3 months too long....any advice.

When you're in a new relationship, and a guy loses his erection it's usually because he's nervous. When you're in a relationship for a while, and everything is fine, then it starts happening, then there's a problem.
It has nothing to do with your body being "unsuitable" "down there" or anywhere. It has nothing to do with you at all. It is his problem, and his alone.
If he can maintain an erection during oral sex, then he doesn't have a physical problem.
More often than not, if there are problems in the bedroom, they're a reflection of problems outside the bedroom. Maybe your relationship has just run it's course, and maybe it's something else.
You need to talk to him and find out if something is bothering him. He's the only one who knows the answer.
Dear OP,
I echoe somewhat what GTB said. This really does have nothing to do with your body and may have something to do with your relationship. It is best not to take this personally, it will make it easier for both of you to deal with this. Besides the relationship, there can be a variety of reasons for problems like this: stress at work or in other areas of his life, medications (particularly anti-depressants tend to effect sexual performance) or a combination of those things. It could also be just a natural ebb in your relationship that is just part and parcel of being interdependant as well as autonomous beings.
The answer is always to communicate and find out what needs and feelings within (for both of you) need tending.
Peace.
Scott.
I agree with the message to you so far. I'm curious though, does he hold that erection just fine for oral , or is he also just fine with manual play? In fact, is he fine all along until you start to have intercourse?
I too have that problem here and there. Sometimes I'm just absolutely fine, but as soon as we get interested in a different position, for instance, we'll need to hurry up with it or I'll actually lose that erection sometimes. Weird huh?
Anyway, it be nerves, it be something else non-physical, but it may also be simply a matter of technique as well.
Just a final thought for you, I KNOW that my problem stems from my hectic schedule and lack of sleep. He may not be showing obvious signs of fatigue or tiredness, but those signs aren't always that noticeable either, so please keep that in mind. He must be adequately rested and healthy, and I DO mean on a basis. Just something for you to keep in mind.
Let us know if you catch a resolution. Good luck! :)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R
You seem to be quite the experienced player from other posts I've read of yours.
Have you ever personally had any problems with you or your partners for which you'd like to share your particular solutions?
Gosh I hope not, "player" is such a pejorative term. Yikes.
I don't really know what to say other than that, sure, there have been times particularly with new lovers where it just didn't do what I wanted it to! There were two girls in particular many years ago who I tried and tried and tried to get interested in me. Finally their respective love lights came on, so to say, but when we jumped into the sack it just WOULD not become erect. I would have done anything to have made it so, but 'twas not to be. One of these times was directly out of Central Casting: I had the prettiest girl in our class naked and in bed with me, and totally ready to go, but instead of swashbuckling on rough seas I was becalmed in the Sargasso Sea. If you will. Fortunately I was given passes and got my act together the next times around. But those were both horribly embarrassing!
OTOH, sometimes it all but leaps out of my pants during a demure kiss. The whole thing is high comedy, and to be approached with a healthy dose of respect, humor and irony. It's like trying to herd cats ... they'll come along if they want to, but not because YOU want them to!!!
All I can say is, try to avoid talking about it and worrying about it. While it wasn't what he was talking about, there's a Johnny Cash song called, "The Man Comes Around" ... that's what I predict will happen here ... ;-)
Been there done that...and even more....still nothing...although he stands at a salute (if you know what I mean) at my slightest touch....It has now been almost three weeks and not even an attempt at intercourse. Many heavy petting sessions but no intercourse....
Hmmmmm... any thoughts?
Yes, he stands at a salute during oral and manual play. As a matter of fact, he stands a salute at my slightes touch or kiss....
I DO think that he has WAY too much on his mind and that work sometimes can get hectic (he owns his own company)and sometimes or more than sometimes he is just tired....
I have tried everything to try and get him to relax (and so has he)but for some reason nothing really seems to work....I will tell you however that we are going on a 5 day vacation to the carribean next week...any advice for bring alongs???? I will keep you posted. Thank you!
My dear, if he is at such a salute THAT easily, RAOFL!!, what could I POSSIBLY advise you to bring along??? LMBO!!! ;D
Listen, since he is a business owner like I am, then I will advise this during your vacation, and even while at home:
AVOID THE CAFFEINE!!!
As an owner and a husband of the most perfect woman in the world (hmmm...I hear nails tapping....), I know its so much easier said than done, but the foods and the drinks REALLY DO play a role more than we men actually realize...heck, more than we realize. I'd do a hefty IVillage search actually, particularly on the Sexual Health message board, and discover what foods/drinks can actually make us men more irritable or more wired or even more exhausted than we need to be.
So many different things affect different physiologies, but it doesn't hurt at all to check out what the most common consumables vs. results are anyway.
Good luck to ya on that trip, and thanks for the info...someone out there may be helped by it. :)
C h a r a c t e r
above all else
Mr. Para
C H A R A C T E R