Need some advice..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Need some advice..
24
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 7:48pm
So, for the next few days, me and my boyfriend are at his parents house. Well, last night we ended fooling around in his room that night, and what not, until his parents walked in on use having sex. Well, we both got freaked out, that his parents just closed the door and just walked away. While me and my boyfriend just stopped and I just told him that he needed to invest in a lock for his door after that we didnt talk until today. Well, now heres where I need some adivce, how do we tell his parents that we want to get married without brining up what they saw?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 7:59pm

How old are you and your b/f?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 8:06pm

What you do really depends on what his parents are like. If they are super-conservative or hold strong beliefs against sex before marriage then no matter what you do, you'll have problems. In that case there may not be much to do - just let the sleeping dogs lie and say nothing unless they approach you. I also think that it should be your b/f that does any talking - after all, it is his house and his parents. He should be the one talking to them.

The other thing to consider is what are their "rules" about sex in their house? You have to remember that your b/f is living under their roof and while he is there he should be respecting their rules and guidelines.

Yes, it would have been nice if she had knocked before entering, but was she expected to know that the two of you were having sex? Don't forget that she has been coming into his room for years and years now without knocking, so is surprising that she didn't think to knock? No, not really.

As for telling them about getting married? Are you planning on announcing an engagement or is this just something that you think would happen in the future? Or does this seem like a good story to justify why you were having sex?

I wouldn't tell them that you are thinking of getting married until you are getting engaged - with a ring and telling all your friends and family. After-all, that's what engagements are for. They're for announcing that you are getting married. Getting engaged really has nothing to do with having sex. If you announce that you are getting married I would expect that the issue of your sex life never gets mentioned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 8:10pm

were both 21.. His parents are really nice, they are conservative, but not like super.My boyfriend has talked to his parents about us getting married, but all his parents said we were too young. We honestly, dont think we are too young. My parents totally understand and are fine with idea, because my boyfriend went behind my back and asked my parents for my hand in marriage. There rules about sex in their house, is as long as we are protecting ourselves its fine, but by the look on there face, they seemed pretty upset. The whole knocking thing, I understand that its there house.I honestly dont know what his parents were expecting. Yeah, we plain on getting engage in Decemember.





Edited 9/11/2005 8:26 pm ET ET by shining_star007
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 8:19pm
OK, so don't get married. If you want to respect their wishes, then plan to get married, just don't do it just yet. There is no rush and really I can't see why it would affect the relationship in the long run if you delay getting married for a year or two. You could get engaged and have a long engagement, or you could just stay unengaged and together for a another couple of years then get engaged and married. Really, what is the rush to get married? And if it's question of stopping major family drama then it might be a GOOD idea to hold off for a while.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 8:29pm
theres no family drama, his parents think we are too young. My parents are fine with it. Me and my boyfriend were planning on getting engaged in Decemeber and getting married sometine in June 2007.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 8:33pm

My Dad thought I was too young - now that I'm older and he doesnt look at me as his little girl anymore he has changed his mind and loves my husband like a son.

Do what you feel is right for you are your BF - Just because parents try to persuade you to wait doesnt mean they disapporve its just them being protective.

If they say its ok as long as you are being safe to have sex then why worry what they think? Its their house yes and you need to be respectful of their rules. Sounds to me like The Mom Was upset that she walked in on you shocked at seeing her son having sex and walked away. Of course she was shocked Thats her little boy you are sleeping with!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Sun, 09-11-2005 - 8:45pm
My parents love him...and no matter what his parents think, at the end of the day it comes down to what me and him want. I've been with this boy since I was 16, and I've put my life into his hands, he was my first of alot of things plus I love him. And by the time we get married we will both be 23. Of course we are safe when we have sex, he cares about me alot and I care about him soo much, that just for him I went an extra mile on the protection.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 1:30am

Bottom line, you're both adults and they shouldn't be just walking into his room when the door is shut anyway! I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate it if he did that! Any time you walk into a room unannounced, then you're very likely to see something you wish you hadn't!!

But if you and your BF want to get married, then you're adults and they will have to accept it whether they fully approve or not. They really have no choice.

THAT being said, however, it's always better to be completely respectful of your intended's parent's because the old saying really is true.....you don't just marry the man, you marry the whole family....like it or not. LOL!

They love their son and naturally, they want him, and you, to be absolutely sure of his choice.

Things always go a lot smoother if you have the full blessing of both parents though. When you give them the timeline of the engagement, etc. I'm sure they will feel differently.

And DON'T bring up what happened before. Why is it even necessary? IF they bring it up, apologize and leave it at that.




Edited 9/12/2005 1:43 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2005
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 10:06pm
For real, its our choice, and we have decided on it. Will get engaged, then wait about 2 yrs before we actually marry. I told my boyfriend, that once he talks to his parents to not bring up what happend, but if they bring it up, just tell them that it was a choice that we decided to do that night. Like you said katmandoo, I think that once we actually go through with the wedding, Iam hoping that they will see me differntly...
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-13-2005 - 1:58am
Just love and cherish their son and how can they NOT love you, too?

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