Need some advice...
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 04-14-2005 - 5:49pm |
Hello all, I need some advice.
I have been with my BF for about 4 months now. The relationship is still new, but we have definitly reached a great comfort level with each other, which can be good and bad.
The sex is still great, and often. Nightly (and most mornings) now opposed to 3-4 times nightly in the beginning...lol...however, something strange has happened. It seems that I am always the one persuing sex lately. I don't mind being the initiator, but it seems that he has stopped touching me as much as he used to. He used to rub my back often, and touch me a lot more.
It is starting to get frustrating. Our relationship is just as strong as ever, and the sex is only getting better, as a matter of fact, I have actually been able to come to orgasm with him already, something that never happens this soon with a man for me.
I think this is just natural progression in a relationship though. There are no reasons for me to believe that he doesn't want sex anymore or that he is any less interested as before.
I.e. This morning, I know he wanted sex. I refused to initiate though. He kept cuddling and pushing up against me like he wanted me to get things started. I wouldn't though. I only went as far as he did. This song and dance lasted almost an hour, until we finally ran out of time and had to get ready for work. Why couldn't he just put his hand down there, and get things going? I am so confused? I want and need more touching from him. Like it used to be.
How the heck can I get this going without just coming out and saying something and possibly risk putting a scuff in his male ego???? Should I just take his hand and put it where I want it???
Help!! I am head over heals for this amazing man, this is my only complaint...how can I get the more aggressive man back??

The best advice I can give is to ASK for what you want....MORE touching and foreplay!
He may be taking the lazy route and becoming too comfortable in allowing you to initiate all the time....time to get him back on track. Speak up now or forever hold your peace OR take his hand and put it where you want it.
Women need foreplay to become aroused and enjoy sex. Yes, you can agree to compromise with occasional quickies with no foreplay but he should never assume that you'll be satisfied with that alone.
The "natural progression" of a relationship should NEVER mean that sex is taken for granted or having to accept that your needs will be neglected.
BUT he needs to know what you're thinking, too!
Talk to him and tell him what you want.
Yes, take his hand and put it where you want it....otherwise how is he supposed to KNOW where you want it. He's cuddling, or whatever, don't you think THAT is an indication of what he's got in mind? What wrong with you responding to that? THAT is him initiating and you responding!
There are two of you in this relationship. Instead of worrying about HIS ego, why not worry about yours? If you can't communicate with him, then the relationship isn't as great as you think it is! You're feeling bad, but you seem to think that's ok, as long as his feathers aren't ruffled! Talk to him and tell him how YOU're feeling, and you might be surprised if he tells you he's feeling that you're not responding to him. You need a little less guess work, and a lot more communication.
Thanks everyone for your advice, I expected everyone was going to say "tell him what you want".
I kind of like to ease into that much openess with someone. I hate to spill my guts so early on in a relationship. Not to mention that I dont have an easy time expressing my wants and feelings as it is, which is a whole other post for another board I suppose. I just believe that when you open up too much too soon, it can get boring quick. I like a bit of mystery.
Our relationship IS strong, which is for no one to comment on unless you really want a 5 page post as to how I know this.
Dont get me wrong, I am quite open sexually, and dont mind initiating ever...but sometimes its nice to have the other person take the reigns. I am going to try to just put his hands where I want them though. However, last night was much better..not sure why...but he was all over me like he used to be...
Again, thanks to everyone who responded!
"However, last night was much better...not sure why."
Probably because you DIDN'T take the reins and initiate last time!
I hate to disagree with you about being open "too soon" though. I've been married for 28 yrs. and let me tell you...HONEST communication NEVER becomes boring. We learn something new about one another every day because we communicate freely.
However, we could have avoided a lot of our initial misunderstandings and problems if we had been so open and honest from the beginning.
When you don't know something about your partner, and don't ASK, you tend to make assumptions and that's where the conflicts can begin.
And besides, we can never fully know anyone, no matter how long we're together. There's ALWAYS an "inner life" within all of us that we share, or not, in bits and pieces.