need some help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
need some help
7
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:25pm

Hi, I have a problem and just need some opinions on what to do.

I started going out with this guy last Thursday (he asked me out!) and now he just doesn’t seem interested, we both go to college but both have different friend groups so its not all that easy to speak to each other all the time as I don’t know his friends and he doesn’t know mine. But today after lesson we had a 15 minute break, so I thought ‘hey we can hang out now for a bit’ but no, I thought wrong, he just walked off and didn’t even wait for me. And yesterday we went out for about and hour and then he said lets go to my mates so I was resistant but said ok (I was resistant because I was using it as a chance to get to know each other as we didn’t know each other before). So we met up with his friend and then it seemed like my BF was doing everything to avoid standing next to me, so I text him and he just said I was worrying over nothing but after what happened today I don’t know. Should I be worried? Has anybody got any idea why he might be doing this? I mean he was the one that asked me out!! And another thing we haven’t even kissed yet, it may not seem like a big thing but there’s been plenty of opportunities were we could have but he just hugged me.

Please can someone help with any suggestions?

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 1:53pm

Two possibilities I can think of for his behavior....he's either very shy when it comes to the process of getting to know someone OR he's not really as interested as he thought.

And UNLESS he's said, "let's start dating" as in MULTIPLE dates, it was ONE date, nothing more. That really means nothing in the big scheme of things, certainly doesn't indicate a budding relationship.

Go about your business. If he asks you out again, you can decide then if you're still interested.

Don't assume anything though and certainly, don't assign meaning to another person's behavior. More often than not, you'll be wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 2:24pm

Why do you feel that going on ONE date means anything more than going on a date? He asked you out for whatever his reasons were. You went out, and now he's not interested in talking to you, or hanging out with you. He has his reasons, and there's nothing you can do to MAKE him want to be with you. This has nothing to do with you. He was interested, he went out with you once, and now he lost interest. So what?

Being asked out doesn't mean there will be love and marriage. It means nothing at all. For whatever HIS reasons, he doesn't want to go out with you again. If he did, he wouldn't be giving you the cold shoulder. He doesn't owe you any explanations, and maybe he doesn't have one......so leave him alone, don't be texting him or calling him, just forget about him, and move on with your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 4:40pm
Hi, I’m from England, sorry for not making it clear, but things obviously mean different things over there to hear - by going out together I mean that we are exclusively together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 4:43pm

You had one date with the guy, that does not make him your b/f, it does not mean the two of you have a relationship,


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 7:30pm
But you've only had one date, right? Then, that's not yet a relationship. He may now have decided that he's not ready for one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 7:44pm

After only one date, both of you talked about a relationship


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 12-11-2006 - 10:52pm

I'm puzzled by what you mean when you say "going out since Thursday" too. You say that it's an exclusive relationship but that would imply that there is a relationship in place and you have known each other for some time. "Going out since last Thursday" implies that you've met and liked one another but only been out on one date. I'm not sure how you can have an exclusive relationship after only one date. Sure, you're not dating other people, but one date doesn't make it a "relationship". It just makes it one date!

If that is the case - that you have had just one date with a boy that you like and neither of you are dating other people then it's difficult to say what he is thinking. Either he is shy and conservative with showing any emotion or interest, or he just not into you as much as you'd like him to be - or as much as he thought he'd be when he first asked you out.

I don't think that you can tell which way he is going until you've dated him a bit longer. In the meantime, don't over-analyse it. You'll drive yourself senseless thinking too hard about it.