Need some serious help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Need some serious help
7
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:35pm
Hi everyone. I hope someone out there can give me some advice. I don't know what to do, or what is wrong with me for that matter.

I'm still a virgin, and it seems that when it comes to doing anything physical, I am so reserved. I so want to get over this. I mean, making out, fine, but anything more and I just freeze. Part of me is worried because I don't think I know what to do, part of me is worried that my significant other thinks I am gross in some way or form, part of me doesn't want him to see me turned on. I just can't let myself go and enjoy myself. I don't know what it is. I'm with someone I really trust and love, and I know has nothing but respect for me, but why can't I just get over this hurdle? It seems to happen with every guy that I date.

Can anyone out there give me some kind of advice?

Thanks,



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:25pm

From what you write, I'm guessing that your problems stem from

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:36pm
I agree with Yasmin, you should get into therapy.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:42pm
Now that I think about it....

I can think of a few reasons why I feel the way I do. For starters, I always was taught that masturbation was bad. Secondly, in relationships in the past, I was always pressured to have sex right away in the relationship. The ones that didn't pressure me were the ones that I found myself becoming more and more physical with, but the relationships ended for way different reasons.

I am attracted to him and I really want to do things with him. I always get that feeling when we are together. I guess I'm just scared to let myself go because I feel I'll look dumb, or do something wrong. I know that is a really stupid thing to say, but sometimes I feel I have no experience, and if I just let myself go, I'll do something wrong.

Thanks for making me think about it! It makes me feel better to know that there could be some reasons as to why I feel the way I do!


Edited 8/23/2004 8:56 pm ET ET by stargazingrl


Edited 8/23/2004 8:57 pm ET ET by stargazingrl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:16pm

No, your feelings are not stupid, they are true emotions.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:34pm
Thanks for all your advice.

Yes, he totally understands what I'm going through right now. No pressure, nothing. For that I'm grateful, and I even told him the other day that he is the one I want to have sex with. Every other guy I didn't because of what I mentioned before, or just because we were so incompatible as people, different backgrounds, different lifestyles, etc. This one, I've known forever. He knows everything about me, and likewise. I am absolutely comfortable around him, it's just that it is still so new.

Now that I can see some of my past issues that have made me feel the way I do, I'm starting to feel less reserved, now that I can pinpoint some of them. Of course, you guys are helping me tremendously.

Thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:59pm

>>I guess I'm just scared to let myself go because I feel I'll look dumb, or do something wrong. I know that is a really stupid thing to say, but sometimes I feel I have no experience, and if I just let myself go, I'll do something wrong. <<


OK...well, here's the thing: sex is not an exact science.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 11:43pm
Excellent advice from everyone! You need to understand that everyone has had the same fears and doubts that you're having. When the right man comes along, it makes it a lot easier. You weren't "ready" with your past partners....but now you seem to be.

You also need to understand that MOST females are given "negative" thoughts about sex and sexuality when they're younger.....that's a parents way of trying to keep their daughters on the "straight and narrow". But once you're an adult, you can make your own decisions about sexuality. You don't have to let your parents know you're doing "bad things", lol

There are no right or wrong ways to do things. It's different with every partner. The big thing is whether or not you trust this man. He sounds very understanding, and he KNOWS you're inexperienced....and he'll help you thru it all. As Yasmin asked, so, if you do something "wrong", what's he going to do? Throw you out of bed? You know he won't. Believe it or not, sex isn't all that "serious"....sometimes you can even laugh at the absurd things that happen.

When you're ready to try it, tell him, and give it a shot. You can ALWAYS stop if you're uncomfortable, but if he knows what he's doing, and he knows how to give you pleasure, you won't want to stop! Trust him, and trust yourself.