Need to Vent!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Need to Vent!!!!!!!
4
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 11:27pm

I really just need to vent
I have been in a "friends with benefits" relationship with one guy since March. When we first met he told me he had no girlfriend and I informed him that I wanted no bf. Come to find out-this guy has a g/f! You think i would have stopped having sex with him, & I did for 6 months, then it started up again.

I'm so sick of it now!!! I can't and won't do it anymore!!!!! I do NOT have feelings for him (at least I don't think I do) but this is driving me crazy!!! Driving me crazy because when I see him with her and how he does so much for her it makes me upset.

This just suddenly hit me. I use to not mind when he called me to get his and when I would call him to get mine. Now I'm sick of being a booty call and just want a relationship of my own (which all the guys I have been seeing only want sex anyway).

I'm just going to have to ignore his every phone call because I'm in the wrong and so is he.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 1:23am

I'm glad that you've had a change of heart about this arrangement since they rarely work out.

He's a cheater and a liar and now that you know, you're doing the right thing to stay away from such a loser.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2005
Fri, 12-02-2005 - 12:12pm
Don't beat yourself about this too much hun, the "friends with benefits" worked for you at the time. I did it earlier this year with a couple of guys; I was very independent and pro-friends, a bit of an Ice Queen, avoided relationships like the plague. But times change, as you're finding now and as I found a couple of months ago when I fell in love with my boss! Don't answer his calls, don't give in to temptation, get back out there and date... there are plenty of guys out there who would love to have you as a girlfriend :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 4:00am

About 15 years ago I was in one of them, FWB, and it served it purpose for me. The individual was a good friend of mine for several years prior to the relationship starting. At the time, I was coming out of a relationship and they were separated from their spouse with an intention to filing for divorce. It continued for about a year until they developed feelings for me but I could not / would not reciprocrate them. Primarily due to the fact they were still married and I could not see myself in a long-term sexual relationship with them. Plus I was starting another relationship with someone else when they developed feelings for me and I had to make a choice. So I chose the new relationship over the FWB relationship.

I think what you are experiencing is one of the many pitfalls of a friends with benefits relationship. Friends with benefits to the general public appears to be sex without strings but there is at least one string, the string that the relationship is very limiting. It is limited by the premise that the relationship is for sex only and emotions are to stay out of it.

For some people separating sex from emotions is fairly easy but for the most of us it is a very daunting task. If the FWB relationship continues long enough one or both of the individuals begin to develop emotions for the other, no matter how well they were able to separate the two in the past. The emotional attachment begins to wreak havoc by making the individual(s) feel guilty, angry, and cheapened by the experience. It is at this point where FWB begins to fail and there is a natural split between them.

Furthermore from reading your posting, I believe your FWB has served it purpose for you and it is time for you to move on to a more stable relationship.

With that said, I feel people willingly enter into FWB for several reasons and there are legitimate reasons for them. Anyone who enters a FWB relationship should only do so with the expectation that is a short-term relationship that will end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Fri, 12-09-2005 - 8:49pm
your jelous of her/him and their relationship. if that's what you could call it. he's a player and you/he know it. secretly you would love for her to find out what a dog he is. as for the booty call and all. no one make's you answer the phone or open the door. the last time i checked no meant no. if you want a relationship it won't be with him. find someone who will respect you and that you will in turn respect.