needing advice ASAP

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
needing advice ASAP
9
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 1:15pm
Hi i am new here and i am needing advice so bad see i have this best friend and he means so much to me not sure what he really feels about me though he says we are good friends with benifits he really means so much to me and last night i surprised him with a candle light bubble bath it was so wonderful.i am needing advice to let me know if he really does like me we have been having sex for about 5 months are 6 now and can someone tell me something special i could do tonight first thing this morning he said what you going to do tonight to top that bubble bath last night he really enjoyed it thanks so much please help me figure something out for tonight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 1:21pm

First you want to see where you stand and he stands in taking it to the next level to make sure you are not just getting used. Its easy to be friends when you get everything else along with it. How long have you been friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 1:24pm
littl over a year he was really hurt about 3 years ago and now he is scared but there has to be something there right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 2:41pm

Its hard to tell do you see other guys or does he see other girls?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 3:00pm
he hasnt seen anyone that i know of and i havent either i am at his house everyday i have even spent the night every day this week but i havent slept in the same bed as him but a few nights i dont know what to do see i am married but i have been separated for about 5 months now and he is like my best friend we talk to each other about anything and everything. but i dont want to get used either
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 3:04pm

Welcome to the board. Should we call you missy?

If you want to know if you are having a relationship, or casual sex, you should think about what your relationship consists of as a first step. What activities do you share besides sex? Do either of you see other people? Also, you can ask him what your relationship means to him and how he feels about you. It sounds like he may not be ready for a committed relationship.

Having fun sexual encounters is not going to define how he feels about you in a non-sexual way. My concern, since you say how much he means to you, is that you might be setting yourself up to get hurt. Casual sexual relationships can be a lot of fun, but only if you are not expecting more from the experience. Don't confuse sex with romance and end up getting hurt.

I think a good response (especially if you want to get some insight as to how he may feel about you) is to tell him that you took your turn, now it's his turn. Let him plan something special for the two of you! That being said, I really think honesty is the best thing. If you have feelings for him, let him know.

I'm not sure what kind of sexual experiences the two of you have shared, so it's really hard to offer something for the two of you to do tonight. If you read through some of the posts here, you will find different suggestions that you might find helpful.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 3:04pm
you are a guy what would be a very special evening that would mean alot to you that would top a nice bubble bath
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 3:11pm

Probally her cooking for me my favorite meal then getting into a warm bubble bath the two of us her getting out first then when I go to the bed room she is dressed in something very sexy and that night she does something sexual we havent done before something new and adventours I would want her to take charge since for me I usually take charge lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 3:11pm
so there is really men that just have you for one reason huh he does know how i feel about him he keeps saying he just likes me as a friend but his emotions say different alot even his sister has seen it we have done alot of things together far as sexual i just wanted tonight to be extra special any advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 3:22pm

Last night bubble bath, tonight you'll try to top that, and what will you do tomorrow night. This guy has told you that it's FRIENDS with benefits, and you can't "bubble bath" him into falling in love with you.

You can't read his "emotions".....you can read his pleasure, and he doesn't have to be in love with you to enjoy your attentions.

What's the rush? You're married, and he's been around for a long time, he's not going anywhere. He's got what many men love, sex with no commitments. Why don't you work on the important things, like ending your marriage....and then when you're a free woman, you can tell him how you feel, and see if he has any feelings at all for you.

First things first.