Nervousness causing erection problems?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Nervousness causing erection problems?
1
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:43pm

My boyfriend (27) and I (22) have been dating for three months and have recently started having (attempting to have) sex.

While he has no difficulty in obtaining an erection, I've noticed the pattern is this: he loses it *just* as penetration is about to occur. (Mind you, this is also after the condom is put on.) This results in an ongoing heat-up/cool-down routine that makes our otherwise great relationship really awkward. He has mentioned (joked?) that I make him "nervous," but I wonder sometimes if this is meant to distract me from the fact that there is something else going on, mentally or physically.

Although I am obviously sexually frustrated, I am even more concerned with the fact that we haven't yet addressed the issue. He carries on as if nothing is wrong at all, while I fear saying the wrong thing in fear damaging his ego/masculinity/what have you. Nevertheless, it needs to be addressed.

Is there a tactful way of addressing this issue? Anything else we can try?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:53pm

It's obvious that something IS making him nervous. Whether it's you, himself, or a self fulfilling prophecy......who knows? There's not much you can do to "address" it, it's out there. You could ask him if it's ever happened to him with other women (it probably has, but it would be hard for a guy to admit to that, I think).

The best solution would probably be to just quit trying for a while, to take the pressure off him. Or, if and when it happens, then just continue doing whatever you were doing before he lost it, and let it go. The "pressure" on him right now is tremendous, and the best solution would be to take the pressure away. There are so many things that you can both do to satisfy each other......intercourse isn't the be-all end-all of sexual activity. This is a new relationship, and it takes more than a few months for some people to get comfortable enough with their partner to be able to perform to the best of their ability.