Never experienced this before...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Never experienced this before...
8
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 8:35am
Hi, I'm a 23 year old male and have had sex with 4 women. The first 3 everything was normal, everything worked right. However my girlfriend I am with right now before we had sex told me she has never had an orgasm during sex and said that sex with her previous partners was not good to the point of her not liking sex. When we first started having sex we would not go very long until she would start complaining of her vagina getting sore. So we would stop, that eventually stopped happening. After that sex has been great for both of us. However the other day while we were having sex and about 15 minutes into it her vagina got real tight like she was contracting it to the point where it was very uncomfortable for me, however she said it felt great, but it soon ended there. When it was all done and over we were very bewildered as to what that was all about. She told me she had no control over it, yet I felt like she was crushing me. I have heard that when a woman orgasms, a lot of time the vagina will contract, but I didn't think to that degree, and she does not think she orgasm because she said she did a couple times before with masturbation. Sorry for the long winded post, but id really like some feedback on this. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 9:37am

It's possible she had an orgasm........or possible she didn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2008
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 9:55am

Sakura's advice to you is excellent. Make a copy and save for future reference.


Don

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 10:13am
Welcome to the board, an8409.


It sounds like a couple of things might be going on with your GF. I'll try to break this down ...


"However my girlfriend I am with right now before we had sex told me she has never had an orgasm during sex and said that sex with her previous partners was not good to the point of her not liking sex."


As far as her having an orgasm during sex .... that is much, much different for women than it is for men. There are even women who live their entire lives feeling sexually satisfied, yet never have orgasms during intercourse. In many cases because they don't know what they're missing, in other cases they enjoy the pleasure and may be having their orgasms prior to IC. It is more of a learned behavior for a women to be able to have an orgasm, and a good bit of that comes from the mind, not the body. A great site for you and your GF to visit is www.the-clitoris.com. It has a lot of great info about her body and how it responds to sexual stimulation.


Saying that sex was not good to the point of her not liking it ... is she expecting them to "give" her an orgasm? Is she comfortable with her body, and is she giving as much to the sexual situation as she is expecting to gain from it? There are selfish lovers, but if she had the same reactions over and over, it's more likely something to do with her than with them.


"When we first started having sex we would not go very long until she would start complaining of her vagina getting sore. So we would stop, that eventually stopped happening. After that sex has been great for both of us."


Sex should never be painful -- pain is the body's way of saying something is wrong. It's natural for a women to feel sore IF she is having penetration without proper arousal or lubrication (which her body is telling her is "wrong"). If she's nervous, afraid sex will be painful or unfulfilling, etc., then she may be psyching herself out of becoming properly aroused. Since sex became great for both of you, it's likely that she just needed that time to feel comfortable with herself while the two of you were intimate -- and your relationship grew to a point where she felt she could trust you. Trust is a more encompassing word here than the basic trust you might think of. When you are intimate with someone you are revealing so much of yourself to that person, and it takes time to build up the trust needed to become comfortable with that revelation.



"However the other day while we were having sex and about 15 minutes into it her vagina got real tight like she was contracting it to the point where it was very uncomfortable for me, however she said it felt great, but it soon ended there. When it was all done and over we were very bewildered as to what that was all about. She told me she had no control over it, yet I felt like she was crushing me."


15 minutes can be a long time for penetration, and may have made her dry. The friction can become uncomfortable when that occurs, and extra lubrication may be needed. The vagina does usually contract during an orgasm, and women with well toned PC muscles can make it contract at different times. However, in either of those events, she would be aware of what was happening. Now, if she was feeling "pain" from dry friction, and she associates that with past unpleasant experiences, it is possible that she would contract her muscles (sort of like wincing) without really being aware of what she was doing (like a protection feature).


All of these things that you have brought up could also be the sign that she has some medical issues. Since she is sexually active, she should be seeing a gyn. If she often experiences pain during IC, she needs to talk to her doctor about that and rule out any possible medical problems. Although these articles focus on her pain during intercourse, there is some good information that the two of you should read here as it could be related to the clamping down pain that you felt.




Sexual Pain

http://pain.health.ivillage.com/chestabdomenpelvicpain/sexualpain.cfm



Why is Sex Painful?

http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/0,,pscp,00.html



Vaginal Pain from Penetration

http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/vaginal-pain-from-penetration.html



Painful Sex: Causes and Cures

http://health.ivillage.com/sexualhealth/sxarousal/0,,3frw,00.html


















iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 3:38pm

There is a condition called 'vaginismus' which is an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles (rather than the PC muscle) which can cause pain during intercourse, tightness, burning or discomfort for and a 'clamping down' either before or during intercourse.

Photobucket

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 4:36pm
Thank you all for the info. I been looking into this and I have told her its rather rare for women to have orgasms during intercourse. Ive heard that most don't before thier mid 30s a while back. So thats why I assumed it probably was not. I looked up vaginismus before and the only info I can really find on is was that it doest not even allow penetration and happens all the time. This was the first time it ever happened with her, and we usually do it missionary. The odd thing I thought was even though it caused a little discomfort I still enjoyed it. And she told me it was incredible and didn't want me to stop. Ill take all of your all information into consideration, thank you very much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sun, 05-11-2008 - 6:21pm
When I orgasm everything contracts (+ increased blood flow) including my vaginal muscles contract in addition to the vulva and cervical area.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 1:44am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Mon, 05-12-2008 - 1:55pm

Thanks.

Photobucket