Never orgasm, unless I'm dreaming, HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Never orgasm, unless I'm dreaming, HELP!
2
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 12:18pm
I have been married 6 years to a wonderful husband. He is very attentive to me, and always wants sex. We also have two kids. However, I just cannot orgasm. Thinking back, I've never been able to orgasm. I have *maybe* had three orgasms with him, and each time is if I was on top. And even then I wasn't trying for it, it just happened and I was like "WOW"! However, I do have them in my sleep, when I am dreaming. They always wake me up. I've tried masturbation, doesn't work. I just cannot relax enough to enjoy it. I feel foolish. And lately, I haven't wanted sex period. I am sure it is because of my hectic life with two kids. But I just really, really want to WANT to have sex with him again. I want that passion back. I just cant' seem to get into it, and I really think I'd be okay if I never had sex again. I just want to reiterate that it is nothing he has done, or does not do. He is very complimentary, a great dad and husband, and still wants it EVERY day. It's all me. Any words of wisdom appreciated.

Steph
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 12:24pm
Oh, I want to mention that I do not stimulate myself while dreaming. I actually think I am O'ing by my dreams of sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 1:41pm
You're talking about two different things here. Not having orgasms is one thing. Not wanting sex is something else entirely. Unless you're thinking that if you don't have orgasms, why bother with sex. Women are different than men. Women can have great sex, with LOTS of pleasure, without ever having an orgasm.

If you don't want sex, it could have to do with being tired and stressed, it could also have to do with hormone imbalances, which happens after having children.

The reason you have orgasms in your sleep is because you're completely relaxed, and your sub-concious isn't holding back. When you're awake, you're too busy worrying about the orgasms, and that will prevent you from having them......because you're not concentrating on what's going on, and you're not enjoying the pleasures that you ARE having.

Orgasms aren't (or shouldn't be) the reason for having sex. If you make them the goal, it's not going to happen. The reason you had them when you were on top was because you were getting clitoral stimulation in that position, and because you weren't expecting it to happen. "And even then I wasn't trying for it, it just happened and I was like "WOW"!" You weren't TRYING!

Are you aware that most women need clitoral stimulation during intercourse to have orgasms? That's because your clitoris is the primary source of orgasms, NOT your vagina.

Try just participating, and enjoying, and NOT worrying about orgasms. Orgasms don't make sex good, but GOOD sex makes orgasms happen.