Never orgasmed during sex. I need help.
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Never orgasmed during sex. I need help.
| Wed, 03-21-2007 - 6:59am |
Ive never had an orgasm during sex. I've masturbated, but its in a way that I cant get my partner to help. In the past none of my partners cared if I orgasmed. but now my current partner does and I feel the pressure to orgasm but I dont know how.

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When you say "sex", do you mean "intercourse"? If so, then you're trying for something that probably isn't going to work. 80+% of women do NOT have orgasms from intercourse alone. That's because the vagina has no nerve endings, and no feeling inside except for the "g" spot. You can feel the pressure, and/or the friction, but that's not how women have orgasms. Your vagina isn't your real sex organ, your clitoris is, and that's why you can masturbate to orgasm.
It's good that your partner cares, but unless both of you understand a woman's body, and he knows what HE's supposed to do to help you, it's not going to happen from intercourse alone. He also needs to stop putting pressure on you if neither of you understands what you need......guys putting pressure on women to "perform" leads to faking, and neither of you want's that.
Most women have orgasms from clitoral stimulation. Those who have them during intercourse are getting clitoral stimulation at the same time, doing it themselves, their partner doing it, or the best way is from your position. Woman on top is great for orgasms, because if you do it right, you're rubbing your clitoris against him, and WOT can give you great orgasms.
For MOST women, orgasms happen during foreplay, oral and/or manual stimulation of the clitoris. Sometimes when you've had a few orgasms during foreplay, you will have some from intercourse too, because your "motor is running", and you'll be primed.
Men don't understand it. Their primary goal is intercourse, and they think that's how women's bodies work, too. They don't understand how your body works.....but then, many women don't either.
For more info that you can BOTH learn from check out www.the-clitoris.com
You have to learn how to have orgasms, and you have to learn how to allow them to happen. It takes time, it takes trust in your partner, and a partner that knows what to do to help you get there. Him putting his penis in your vagina is NOT going to do it, at least not without proper foreplay, and plenty of it. Some women take years to learn, some never learn, but the object of sex isn't to have orgasms, it's to have pleasure. If he knows how to give you that pleasure, and you learn to relax and enjoy that pleasure without worrying about orgasms, it will happen. The more you focus on having an orgasm, the less the chance of it happening, because you're not paying attention to the pleasure you're having. Forget it, and learn to enjoy everything from foreplay to intercourse. Orgasms don't make sex good......good sex makes orgasms happen. If you learn to lose yourself in the pleasure, the orgasms will come.
Edited 3/21/2007 9:34 am ET by sakura2006
You must be similar to my wife. Her clitoris is VERY sensitive and has become more sensitive over time. I used to do oral where I licked around her clitoris and even sometimes flicked it with my tongue, but she cannot tolerate this now. In fact she is so sensitive it's hard to talk her into oral any more, even though I love it.
We do a lot of digital, and the secret is indirect, slow, and gentle. Lube is essential. I first do some light stroking over the whole area with lube. Then I place my palm over her pubic mound and slowly and gently work my middle finger between her lips. Then I keep the middle finger mostly in place while slowly rotating my entire hand. Sometimes she wants a little more stimulation and she presses on my hand. Then I lightly rub the finger up and down her lips and switch back and forth between this and the circular motions with my entire hand. At no time do I directly touch her clitoris and I only feel indirectly the area where it is.
We do this kind of digital at least once a day and she has 3-5 orgasms in about 5 minutes. If you can do it with your fingers, there is no reason he can't learn to do it with his - probably even better.
taoist
As a man, and therefore someone who knows nothing about women's bodies and their (alleged) sexuality, I have a question related to your post based upon something I read long ago in an article on the physiology of sex. In the article the author claimed that there was the potential for indirect clitoral stimulation during intercourse, with the amount of stimulation depending on the woman and, to a lessor extent, the man. The stimulation was the result of the friction between the penis and the inner labia during thrusting which caused a tugging on the inner labia, which was then transferred to the outer labia, then to the clitoral hood, and hence to the clitoris. The amount of tug that was transferred to the clitoris depended mainly on the layout of woman's genitals and the sizes and proximities of the different parts in the chain. Since there is wide variety in this layout, the author theorized that this was why some women could receive enough clitoral stimulation during intercourse to have an orgasm, while other women couldn't. An unstated assumption was that the size of the man's penis would influence the amount of 'tug', and thus the likelihood that it would result in the clitoris being stimulated.
As someone who seems to be very well read on the subject, as well as a long-time owner of one example of the aforementioned genitalia, does this theory make any sense to you?
You know I usually say that beginners aren't going to have orgasms from intercourse alone, "alone" being the qualifier. I'm talking to beginners...because I think they're looking for something that's not going to happen...at least not for a long time.
Women can and do have orgasms from intercourse alone......in my own case, I have occasionally, but I really think it's more of an emotional/mental orgasm. Once you get the "motors running" with foreplay, have had a few orgasms, then go right to intercourse, it can happen.
But we're all different, and the theory you were talking about probably has some validity, too. It would depend on not only the male's size, but the "angle" of attack I would think. Standard missionary doesn't seem like it would "pull" on anything, but again, all women are built somewhat differently....so it might work for some.
I also think that younger women, beginners if you will, are more concerned about pleasing their partners, and aren't even thinking about themselves, or their orgasms....only the lack of them, and they don't get it that it's as much mental as it is physical. Later on, when they've learned to be free and to enjoy themselves, more than worrying about "being good" for their partners, when they learn to concentrate on their own pleasure, the orgasms will usually happen.
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