New here and need a little help

Avatar for mommy2hailey_corrine
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
New here and need a little help
8
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 1:42pm

Hello all!
I have recently started having sex with my boyfriend and while things are ok, we still have not found a rythym. WOT is a joke, I am not good at it and it is awkward! I am worried about things getting boring. He and I were just talking and he said he is not the type to come up with new things to try! Which is what I am used to. I was married for 7 years and my ex always led what we did in bed. I am pretty shy!
So now I am nervous because I am not the type to start anything but I don't want to do WOT and missionary all the time. How do you all go about trying new positions with your SO? I feel like its my first all over again, all nervous and everything and when we are intimate I can't relax yet, let alone come up with ways to spice things up. And we both have kids ( 2,3,and 6) so it is not like I can greet him at the door in a sexy nighty!

HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 2:05pm

Well you both are going to have to push yourself beyond what you are used to doing. It's that straight forward. It means for both of you to leave your comfortable zones with the goal of expanding your sexual relations.

Basically you try to push yourself a little at time, getting comfortable with the new thing, then move on to something else. I do think I would try something new in the bedroom without first discussion it outside the bedroom.

"I feel like its my first all over again, all nervous and everything and when we are intimate I can't relax yet"

Hopefully time and becoming more familar with each other will allow you to relax more.

"WOT is a joke, I am not good at it and it is awkward! I am worried about things getting boring. He and I were just talking and he said he is not the type to come up with new things to try! Which is what I am used to. "

Not sure why you feel WOT is joke in whatever way you are doing it. FYI, there is no right or wrong way to do it. It's whatever feels good for both of you. If you feel you really need to see a correct way for it, then buy some porn movies or how to sex videos and watch how they do it. Then do your own version.

As for coming up with new ideas, as far I as see, you're a couple and it is up to BOTH of you to keep things fresh and interesting. No "one person" should have to shoulder this as it can be work at times to keep things interesting.

Avatar for mommy2hailey_corrine
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 2:11pm

Thanks : )

I know there is not right or wrong way for WOT but for some reason we cannot get a rythym down. And it is awkward which I know will get better with time. : )

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 2:35pm

Possibly the reason "we" can't get a rhythm going is because he's not supposed to be doing anything, YOU are. If he wants to "thrust"....let him be on top!

When you're on top, it's really for YOU to enjoy....and for him to lie there and WATCH you enjoy it.

Like anything new, it's awkward at first, and you have to work at it to find out what's best for you. If you're squatting on your heels......don't. Your legs can't take that for very long. Straddle him and kneel......when you're comfortable, then start moving slowly and sensuously......NOT thrusting in and out (you can lose it and HURT him or yourself that way!) but grinding against him.......in a circular motion or slight forward rocking and thrusting of your hips. If you do it right, you will get clitoral stimulation, and if the angle is just right, you will get some "g" spot action......and you might ejaculate all over him, lol

There are lots of other positions that aren't wild and crazy....doggie style, sitting on a chair or the edge of the bed and facing each other, spooning, just use your imagination.

If neither of you has any imagination, check out some porn videos......they'll give you lots of ideas.

Avatar for mommy2hailey_corrine
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 2:44pm

Yeah I guess "we" was a bad choice of words.

And yes I have been sqauting versus kneeling. That is probably some of my problem.
I think the main problem is just getting used to someone new after 7 years of being with the same person. And figuring out what works best for "us"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 3:00pm

Welcome to the board Corrine. Since this is a new experience for both of you, it's not likely that it will get boring any time soon. Getting to knew each other should be half the fun and excitement! Take your time, don't rush to try new things, and try to enjoy the things you do try. If they don't work out the first time, keep trying them and perfecting them along the way until the do work the way you would like.

Here are some suggestions for different positions and tips for WOT as well.

How to master the woman on top position: http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/carnal/qas/0,,638358_591195,00.html

You on top: The sexiest mattress moves of all: http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/sex/no/articles/0,,426380_500115,00.html

Hot Tips for Woman On Top
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drpatti_72j6,00.html

Arousing Alternatives to the Missionary Position
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drpatti_34s,00.html

Banish Sexual Boredom
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexinthemood/0,,drpatti_1kkm,00.html

These should get you started! Have fun with them, and feel free to keep visiting the board. You'll find lots of tips everyday, right here!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 5:53pm

First block out time each week that's SEX time. It may sound unromantic, but having it scheduled means that it won't get lost in the shuffle.

Next, go to the bookstore and buy a position book -- there are lots of them to choose from. Find one that seems like it would be a good fit for the two of you.

Then, find time to kind of peruse the book together. Dh and I laughed at things such as the wheelbarrow (that's SO not happening here, LOL!) and other positions that only the most young, skinny and nimble can do! However, we did find a few things that worked for us. It was very helpful as dh is quite quiet and shy (even at 52 years old!) about anything having to do with sex.

Experiment together.

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 6:47pm
Some great answers here. I do think someone else mentioned a book. We picked up a little pocket book of sex postions and kept in near our bed and had a "position of the day" selection until we found a whole bunch we loved. It was fun and we discovered a lot about ourselves. It was easier to copy a picture than to try to explain it in words!



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Design Your Own Se
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 8:43pm

actually, when we first started doing WOT, I had dh (boyfriend at the time), not move at all -- and let me do all the work. I find it easier to lean over him and slide myself up and down his length. Doing it this way, I can easily move him over and over my g-spot. I've also been able to do it in such a way that we frequently have simulataneous orgasms.

you know what they say....practice, practice, practice.

Carole