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| Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:32pm |
I am new to this board and wanted some insight from women about an upcoming exciting getaway for my wife and I. We are finally getting away for a night to a nice place-hot tub in the room, nice and romantic. Obviously, we will have sex during our stay. My question is, without going into a ton of detail, how should I proceed. My wife and I have been making GREAT progress with our sexlife in general over the past couple of years-been married over 15 years. Used to average about 1-2x a month, now up to 4-5x a month. Now, the wife is somewhat inhibited so it is typically very vanilla sex and honestly, that is fine by me. I would love for her to give me more oral-probably have received 2x thus far this calendar year. She allows me to give to her more frequently but not as often as I would like. But, like I say, I can live with her not giving me bj's if we have sex more often. I would love to get our amount to about twice a week and it seems we are getting closer to that mark-so, much praise to my wife because she has a much lower libido than do I so I feel she is really making an effort.
Ok, so there is a little background. My question is, knowing that she has a lower libido than mine and knowing we are only at this romantic place ONE night, how aggressive should I be for sex. Meaning, should I try for it the instant we enter the room, should I play it cool and let her tell me when she is ready? I just want it to go REALLY well and also want to maximize the amount of sex we can have without her thinking the only thing I want our of her during the one day/night escape is sex. Now, don't get me wrong, I would love nothing better than than to have a f***fest where we don't leave the room and just go at it for hours. But, knowing that during our nearly 20 years together we have NEVER had one, I certainly don't expect anything like that to happen. I just want us to enjoy each other and have a great time and hopefully have some great sex. But, I guess I just don't want to seem to aggressive, too pushy etc if you know what I mean.
This might sound like a stupid post or whatever but I really just want to get some opinions on how much is too much sex on a one night stay. Probably arrive at 3P one day and leave at 1P the next day.

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Welcome to the board pappyred.
I hear that you are saying your wife has a lower libido, but in my experience, time alone in a romantic setting, especially after so much time without that availability, will allow her to relax and want to have more sex. I don't know your reasons for going there, but it certainly does sound like you have picked a romantic room. If you're in a place where she has many things she wants to see and do, then perhaps you won't be in your room enough for the sort of encounter you would like.
Personally, if DH and I were going on such an overnighter, we would probably only leave the room for one meal! We would definitely be having sex, even if just a quickie, soon after arriving to the room. Perhaps after that would be the time to sightsee, take a nice stroll, shop, have dinner or whatever other plans you might like to pursue.
About the jacuzzi. This is where you can probably control her mood the most! Be sure to have champagne on ice, several candles and some bubbles for your time there. Use bubble solution as a lubricant to give her massages while you are in the bath (not internal massage), as well as lubricant for yourself. (DH and I had a great encounter like this recently, and we found that bubble solution was a great lubricant for breast sex in the jacuzzi!) Now remember, if you set the mood right, she was in the bath first. You lit the candles, turned down the bed, adjusted the lighting, and generally set the mood for the rest of the night. You might get lucky enough to have sex in the tub and then again out of the tub, but either way, find a way to lead her to the little love nest you made earlier.
If you wake up early enough, try bringing her breakfast in bed. The hotel may have a tray you can use (look under the ice bucket), and if they have a continental breakfast all the better! Fix a nice tray and look around the hotel for a flower or something you can add to decorate the plate. Try to make sure the breakfast is finger foods. You can enjoy those as a lead in to another great love making session.
I hope you have a great stay, and of course, we would all love to hear the results once you return!
my partner in the siggy exchange
Hi and welcome... For starters, I think that all sounds romantic.
Have you mentioned to dw about the possibility of just having a sex-filled time? Who know, she might like that idea. Leave the room only to have dinner. Relax in the hot tub, sip some wine, champagne, or whatever you like. Have some fruit and cheese with you.
I'm assuming you're driving. Even better, start the romancing then, before you even get there. Then who knows, maybe by the time you get there, she might just attack you once the door is closed....
Thanks ladies for your responses. I do think the hot tub will serve as a nice way to relax and have a great time-that is something we normally do not have the ability to use of course. I also like the idea of bringing some of her favorite wine with us although if she drinks too much, she gets sleepy rather than horny and less inhibited-there is truly a fine line there. I have it in my mind that sex 3x is very possible as once we get there, when we return from dinner and then again in the morning as she seems to like morning sex the best but since we have young kids, that never happens anymore. Not that I am counting on having sex that many times but I certainly do think it is possible and that is what I am hoping for. I also would really like to get a good bj and would love to do some eating at least twice. She is often paranoid about her smell so perhaps bubbles in the hot tub would be a good idea to freshen her up a bit. As for mentioning to her my hopes, not really a good idea because that would be putting pressure on her-placing expectations on her and that would possibly make her tense which I DO NOT WANT.
Well, thanks again and I will try to report back on how it goes. BTW nhgal, is that picture you in the profile?? If so, holy bleep, your man is VERY lucky. WOW!
Ummmm, no.. I should be that lucky!
When is this overnight you're taking? I agree about the wine, don't give her too much. Just relax and take it slow. Have you tried asking her what she wanted to happen?
Sorry, I hope I didn't offend you by asking that. Just curious.
As for our night alone, it is the upcoming weekend. We have not got away together in years and wish it could be for two nights but simply just can't afford it right now. Hopefully we will like this place and go back next spring for the weekend. As for asking her what she expects, again, this is a very inhibited woman that doesn't like to discuss anything sexual. I have to be REALLY careful not to ruin the mood and the best way is just keep my mouth shut and let things play out. I posted here just to get opinions, not sure how it will all shake out but certainly do like the wine/bubbles etc idea. I just have to walk a very fine line because if I try too hard, it will ruin the moment. Her past history does suggest that when she is away from home, and without kids, she does loosen up a bit and that is what I am hopeful for this time. It has just been so long since we have done this, I am probably a bit too anxious. She fully expects plenty of romance as this is a couples romance place but just how much she wants, I will just have to find out. I am very cautiously optimistic that my equipment might get a lot of usage but I have to try my hardest not to let my expectations cause me to be disappointed if things don't work exactly as I hope for-know what I mean.
Oh, please, no, you didn't offend me! It takes a lot more than that....
Ok, I see your point. So, just take it slow, you got the wine, how about some cheese and/or fruit. Go for a leisurely stroll and hold hands. you got the bubblebath all planned so just go with it. Don't get so worked up over it. Things will happen...
Edited 7/24/2007 3:55 pm ET by nhgal2006
Oops, I thought you meant a jacuzzi in the room. If it's a true hot tub (the water always stays there) you don't want to use the bubbles. That might get you in a heap of trouble with the establishment. If it's a tub that you drain, the bubbles are fine.
Otherwise, try a lube to play in the water. I have found KY Intrigue works very nicely. You can use it for intercourse, so all is good there.
Also, have you tried flavored lube or condoms for oral play? Perhaps that would be a nice treat to bring in your care package. If you don't have a sex shop nearby, I have noticed that our local CVS Pharmacy now carries flavors too!
my partner in the siggy exchange
Hearing your guys history I don't think you should attack her as soon as you walk in the room. I don't obviously know where you're staying or if this is possible there, but maybe call ahead without her knowledge and ask. Ask if you could pay a little extra to have someone come in the room while the 2 of you are out to dinner and place some candles around and maybe some rose petals.... another good touch is a big bouquet of flowers....I worked at a florist and we have actually gone in the hotel room and set it up...so that is also an option.....also before you leave go and buy some massage oil or some of her favorite lotion....after dinner come back to the room, light all the candles, tell her to get undressed for her full body massage....massage her then both of you get in the hot tub and take it from there. If she is somewhat shy about sex, she more than likely wants a romantic setting, not a lets &*%$ type of situation.
Let us know how it goes!
Hi, I am the lower libido in my marriage.
Hi. I'm also new to this board. Actually this is the first post I've ever placed, so please bare w/me. I was reading your post and realized we have a lot in common w/our spouses. I have not been married to my husband for 15 years,yet,but we have been married for 8. We have recently just began to pull ourselves out of what was a rather long dry spell, so I know were your coming from. I would like to say proceed, proceed, proceed! Be agressive but romantic, that is the key. Your wife from what I gather in your message is aware of this ROMANTIC GETAWAY,right? She knows that your going to spend the night away in a nice hotel with a hot tub, so she knows that you are NOT going there for a night of book reading in bed. Don't hold back what I've realized in my own marriage is that sometimes people that love and cherish each other forget that intamacy is also very important. I think that your wife realizes how important intamacy is and is showing you that she's willing to have a "F***FEST"(with a Capital F)or she wouldn't have agreed to go away.
The important thing to remeber is to keep it romantic. Talk to her,seduce her. Make her feel like the MOST beautiful woman in the world and mean it. I understand why you would be worried that she may get annoyed or think that your behaving like sex-crazed man if you come onto her right away but don't worry. Go w/the flow and be relaxed and comfortable w/your self. She will follow suit. If you keep reminding her of her beauty and how much you love her she will hopefully respond instantly to you. You sound like a loving and caring husband and I'm sure your wife wants to please you. Women, well most women, are insecure about their bodies. We need those positive, loving words. We need to feel special, even if we know how much we are loved by our husband.
(Now, I know this is a long response, I appologize if it's not what you were looking for. I have a little more to add so bare w/me.)
You said you wanted to know "how much is to much sex on a one night stay,"right? In my opinion there is no such thing. Sex is not just intercourse, as I know you know, so if you feel like making this one night stay last all night, I say go for it. If your worried that your wife will only prefer a quicky and then want to roll over and go to sleep or read a book, then keep her attention. Take it slow. Start out with a long, passionate make out session. You know, like when you were teens, kisses that seamed to last for hours. Then gradually move on to forplay, work in the hot tub. Oh, and don't forget the candles and mood music. What songs are romantic or sexy to her? Order room service and eat dinner by candle light. Order her breakfast in bed the next morning. Enjoy your wife and enjoy yourself. Good luck and have a wonderful, blissful time with your wife.
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