new here & needs advice
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new here & needs advice
| Thu, 01-05-2006 - 10:45am |
my situation is that i have known "ed" for over 10 yrs. first he was in a relationship, i was single, then i was in a relationship & he was single. the entire time in either of our relationships he made advances at me. about 2 yrs ago i came right out & told him that i find him sexually attractive (i was still in a relationship that was slowly going bad, so i did not say anymore). now we are both single, & he will do anything for me (which he has always done since the day i met him). if he can't see me everyday, he says that his day was ruined, he calls me all the time just to hear my voice. he has always teased & flirted with me, but now everytime i talk to him, he brings up sex, or mentions a fantasy that he has had about me. the other day i mentioned to him that i was going to buy a new dvd player & he brought me over an extra one that he had, no strings attatched (he always spoils me with nothing attatched). i don't consider us to be dating, but we do see (bump) into eachother almost daily. my best friend thinks that he is bringing up sex because he wants to find out what type i will be willing to try. i don't think that he just wants booty call because i have known him forever & he is not the type to do that. his last relationship lasted for over 15 yrs, she passed away. i think that he is serious about a lasting relationship with me, but i just am not sure if he is as serious as i think, or if i am seeing more to the picture than is really there. he ran into a friend of mine at a store & she said that i was the only thing that he could speak of. my friends think that he is serious about me, but i want to be positive before i seduce him or something.

Hi Mermaid,
Oh my, wish I could say I was, but I'm not getting good vibes here. His day is 'ruined' if he can't see you every day? You were the only thing he could speak of with your friend at the store?
I'm sorry, but this doesn't smack of sweetness as much as it reeks of obsession and neediness.
My advice? Play it VERY slowly and keep us updated (see emoticon).
Eub
What do YOU think about it?
I agree with xplosive......it's not like you just met the guy, you've known him for 10 years! If you can't talk to him about what he's looking for, and what you're looking for, then you don't "KNOW" him at all.
He was in a "relationship" for 15 years? What kind of relationship? If they just dated or hung out without any future plans, then this guy has a problem.
Also, YOU told him you find him sexually attractive, so you opened that can of worms!
I see a lot of red flags here, the obsessiveness that others have mentioned is a big one. He's giving you things, with "no strings". He's around almost daily, but has he EVER asked you on a real date? Like, dinner and a movie? If not, why not. Are you willing to settle for just "hooking up" for 10 or 15 years, because that's what I'm afraid it might be.
You need to start communicating with him, and telling him what you want in your life.....and finding out if that's what HE wants, too. If not, then give it up, because he doesn't sound like he's into making a "future" with anyone.