New here, with a question....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
New here, with a question....
15
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 2:30pm

Hi Everyone.

My situation is...

I've been with my SO for six months (best friends for 5yrs.) and we recently moved in together. And sex isn't a big deal to him, he came from a relationship where once every 3 months was normal. I will admit that i'm high maintenence when it comes to sex, I want it all the time, and variety. He doesn't. I don't think that at least 4-5 times a week is too much, is it? And are there any ways to make him a little less inhibited in bed? I've asked him to do things but he says no. I'm not asking for anything out of the ordinary either. I don't know what to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 2:15pm

Tish & Scott-

I just wanted to formally thank you for your advise. You were right. I called him and told him that I didn't realized that for him issues outside the bedroom affects his libido. I'm the one who was being difficult. He said "finally! you understand! Its not that I don't think you are sexy, its just that when we have so many things going on its hard to be ready to go everynight and try to please you." I apologized and promised to be more thoughtful and understanding. Instead of getting mad when he's too tired or just doesn't feel like it just cuddle like he wants. I may sound crazy but I really feel better about our relationship. Sometimes its hard to see the solution to a problem when you are right in the middle of it. Thanks a thousand times over.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 6:28pm

Just out of interest, do you build up towards sex throughout the day or do you just kinda jump him at some point during the evening?

A bit of flirting during the day with a sexy text message, or phonecall or saying something before he goes to work could all help the cause. I know that I'm less receptive if I just get jumped later in the evening when I'm tired and thinking about sleep rather than still awake and able to be interested in sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 8:42am
I try to work up to it all day. He doesn't like when I send messages. Says its distracting and takes away from work. I'll even try to wake him up in a pleasurable way, this morning I got a loud No, accompanied with rolling away. So here i am thinking about it all day... and he is not interested at all. I'm trying to be understanding that he is stressed, but sex is such a good stress reliever for me.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 11:58am
Too bad he doesn't understand that sex is a great stress reliever for all of us. A good session of sex releases endorphins.....which give you a feeling of relaxation and euphoria. Sex can relieve HIS stress, too, if he'll let it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Wed, 08-17-2005 - 12:06pm

Dakine,

You and I would agree. I find sex to be very relaxing and when I feel stressed, sex is soothing to me. However, my wife is the opposite...she must be relaxed and feeling "safe" first; if she tries to have sex when she is not in that place, she feels unhappy and tense after. We are all individuals and we all have different responses to everything.

Peace.
Scott.

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