New here..not sure where else to turn

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
New here..not sure where else to turn
16
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 12:13pm
Okay first off, this is a little embarassing and I'm not really sure how to go about talking about this. However, I really need some advice (any at all is greatly appreciated), and I just don't know where else to turn. I am 25, my fiance is 26, and we've been together on and off for ten years and have finally decided to get married. We already have two children together. I was under the false assumption that I knew this man like the back of my hand. We have always had amazing mind-blowing sex. However, recent events have led me to wonder if maybe he's bisexual. I was looking all over for my vibrator not long ago, and discovered that he himself had been using it. I was hurt initially and have been agonizing over this for weeks. I suppose the only reason I was hurt was that he felt he couldn't share this with me. We have always told eachother everything. So, I decided to try to get it out of him. I said we should spice up our sex life and talk about our fantasies. I got no real response from him until last night. He said I could use my vibrator on him if I wanted to! I can't believe it, but it really turned me on. We had the best sex ever. My question is...."Does this mean that he is indeed bisexual?" I'm not really sure how I feel now after the fact. Please help. Thanks in advance and sorry so long. -Nichole

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 12:27pm
Not really sure if he is Bi-sexual. He might be Bi-Curious and not have slept with men. You should joke around with him and ask him if he wants a threesome with a gay man.

Try to get into a comfort zone with him about gay topics. He might open up to you. But don't pry it out of him.

cyaz

LoL

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 12:32pm
Are you saying he anally penetrates himself with your vibrator and hence he may be bi? There's really no connection between the two. Lots of people like anal stimulation, but are straight as a pole. I don't think it's any indication of bi-sexuality, only an open-mind to pleasure. Is there anything else that makes you think he might be bi (i.e. catching him checking out guys, gay porn, etc.)?

Further, even if he is bi, who cares? He's with you and as you say, your sex is mind-blowing.

Why don't you just address it directly and clear the air? It doesn't seem that you have any reason not to trust him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 12:53pm

If this posts twice, sorry.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 1:29pm
Tough call. You might be considered bi-curious because he hasn't sleep with a man. But when he does then definetly bi-sexual. Does that make sense? But for now he is bi-curious because he hasn't sleep with a man. (not yet) What would be the difference between the vibrator and a real man. Pretty soon (you never know) he would want the real thing. Then what? I would say your man is definetly leaning to the Gay side of the force. Just a suggestion, go onto the internet and look at some gay porn with him. See how he reacts.

LoL

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 1:42pm
enjoying anal stimulation does not mean you are sexually aroused by men. total misconception! most gay men engage in oral much more frequently than anal, does that mean all men that like oral are gay?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 2:12pm
O.k. well to some of you women it isn't a gay thing. But to 99 percent of men, they considered it to be a gay act.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 2:27pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 2:40pm
Yes you are correct. Many men enjoy anal play and prostate stimulation and it has nothing to do with bi-curious. I love it when my wife inserts a finger. Not sure if I want to try a vibrator but if her guy does...so what. Don't read more into it.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 4:51pm
Anal penetration or stimulation could only be considered a "gay act" if it's being done by a man on a man, or in a sexual situation with another man. That's not what the OP is describing though.

Many, many men and women enjoy anal stimulation. I don't happen to be one of the them but I still do not consider it "gay" in nature. Why wouldn't cunnilingus considered a "lesbian act" based on that logic? Would you suspect a female partner to have secret lesbian desires just because she enjoys oral sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2003
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 5:46pm
How about when a lesbian uses a strap-on, does that make her straight? ;-)

My DH and I enjoy anal play, but it took him years to finally enjoy it himself(although neither of us have been fully penetrated by any large objects)....and he's not gay or bisexual.

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