New marriage with no sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
New marriage with no sex
8
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 8:33am
Hi all my name is jen I am 25 and I have 3 kids to the same man, but married another man who is 37. We have been married for over a month now and still have not had sex. My husband will lay next to me and get me all excited and then I think maybe it will happen, but then he always has to go to the bathroom or forgot about something on the computer. He gets an erection, I have performed oral on him seveal times. He can't be worried that I will get pregnant because I had a tubal ligation done. I don't know how to change this problem. We have a great relationship other than we don't have sex, unless I perform oral on him and I stopped doing that. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 10:23am
You have to come right out and ask him.

1. Honey I want actual intercourse.

2. Honey, don't you like sex?

3. Could we talk about sex now?

4. I am worried about our sex life.

5. We are married, did you expect a sexless marriage?

6. How often did you expect to make love with me?

7. Do you have a medical problem not being able to have intercourse with me?



Don't let him be lazy and just take your BJ'S. Does he give you orgasms with his hands or mouth after you give him a bJ? See if he is just selfish or can't perform with intercourse.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 11:09am
Did you have sex before the two of you got married? How long have you known each other? I honestly don't know what to say except that the two of you need to talk abou this. If he doesn't have an answer for you, I would suggest some counseling. I could understand this is has having problems getting an erection, but you said that he does get erections and does enjoy oral sex. How could he think that NO SEX is ok with you? Talk to him. But, when you do talk to him do it in a loving and caring way, not attacking him. Let him know how concerned you are.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 12:59pm
I don't understand how you've avoided talking about this for a month! Why didn't you ask what's going on on your WEDDING night??? If you haven't consumated the marriage yet, then it's not legal.

Speak up, explain how you feel, and tell him that you expect lovemaking AND reciprocation, not just to service him with oral sex.

If he has issues with penetration or porn, which sounds like it's a possibility, then he'll need therapy to overcome it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 1:42pm
This is where communication rears it's ugly head. Was this going on before you got married? If so, it should have been discussed and settled before you ever married him.

If it started after you got married, then again, it's something you have to talk to HIM about, and get it settled once and for all. What did YOU say, and what did HE say when you decided to stop "servicing" him?

Talk to the man, and tell him you're not going to accept a sexless marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 06-26-2004 - 2:00pm

You have to sit down with him and discuss your sex life.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 9:54am
No he is not performing oral or me but will occasionally touch me for maybe a minute. He always leaves afterwards. We never had sex before we were married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 10:08am

You have to sit down with him and talk about this.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 6:59pm
Have you ever tried, after he has an erection from oral or whatever, just climbing on top of him and putting his penis in you and just going for it? Just like that. What would he do? Say no, I have an erection but would rather go to the bathroom? I don't understand. I mean, if you have a great relationship like you say, you would both be able to communicate why he's doing this.