New to sex... any ideas?
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| Sat, 02-25-2006 - 3:45pm |
hi there,
I just wanted some tips from you guys.. i'm not very experienced when it comes to sex.. I have had boyfriends and we have done a lot but I have never had a "real" intercourse, I guess only half way..
I'm 21 and now I'm in the relationship of my dreams.. with a guy I have known for almost a year and have now been a couple for a few weeks. I know he truly cares about me, I care about him, we have so much fun together, we can talk about everything and he's just the sweetest and most caring guy I have ever met. I know he doesn't just want me for sex, I know he wants me for me. So things couldn't be more perfect. I have never felt like this for anyone before, never felt I would do anything for a person. And I know he feels the same way.
So I guess sex will be coming up soon.. I feel very attracted to him, and I really want to have sex with him. But the thing is... I'm not that experienced, I'm still not very confident in bed. I won't be having any problems telling him this, that's not the thing, but I'm just worried it won't work.. My boyfriend has been in one relationship before, that lasted three years so I'm sure he knows what to do.
My last boyfriend was a jerk who didn't understand the importance of foreplay, and wasn't interested in pleasing me as much as he was interested in me pleasing him.. so when we tried intercourse it didn't work.. he said I was too tight and it hurt too much. I'm afraid that bad experience will affect me..
So what to do to not make this happen again? Is enough foreplay the trick or is there something else I/we can do? How do I get more confident in bed?
Thanks for any thoughts!

First of all, don't worry about your ex b/f and what he did, or didn't do. As you said, he was a jerk, and a selfish one.
Don't be so sure your new b/f knows all there is to know, either. Some men can be with a hundred women and not know any more than your ex did. Also, every new partner is a new learning experience. Whatever worked for his ex g/f may or may not work for you. We're all different (men AND women). What worked for your ex may not work for him!
If you are ready to have sex, then you're ready to talk about it too. Know what you like and what you need to have pleasure, and if he's not doing the right things, then ASK him to. He can't know what you like unless and until you tell him. Being that you're not very experienced either, you can both experiment and learn together. Even couples that are very experienced still can learn new things together. You have to tell him things, and he has to tell you things.....neither of you is a mind reader!
As for confidence, that comes from being in a good relationship, from knowing that you can talk about things, knowing that you can ask him what he'd like you do to, and more than anything, knowing that you love each other, and there's nothing you can't share with each other.
Do NOT expect miracles. Do NOT think the "earth will move". Do not expect it to be like romance novels. Just relax, and enjoy it, and the more you practice, the better it will become. Because you'll be nervous, you may not be able to relax fully, and it might be tight, but have some lubricant on hand, and that will make it easier. Also, make sure that you practice safe sex, and even better, get on some birth control so you don't have to fear getting pregnant or getting STD's. Fear of pregnancy can ruin sexual pleasure.
Both of you should check out www.the-clitoris.com together, which can give you a lot of info, and can open a conversation between you about things. You young people are so lucky to have so much information available to you. In the "olden" days, we just had to fumble around and do the best we could.
If you both care about each other, it will be good, and it will keep getting better all the time.