New to sex, need some pointers

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
New to sex, need some pointers
9
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 3:16pm

Hey, all. My BF and I just started having sex; before I met him, I was a virgin (by design!), so I am a novice at 24. I really enjoy it and we are doing it constantly, which is great, but I don't understand how I am supposed to reach orgasm during the act. There are a couple of issues at play, one being that although he had been going all night he has the last few times just reached climax quickly and stopped, leaving me wanting more. Second, we have tried having him go down on me beforehand, but it doesn't seem to help. Third, I understand that female-superior is the ideal position for a woman to orgasm, but, being as new to it as I am, I need a few tips about how to do that well; I'm afraid he's going to 'pop out'.

I could use any and all help. Thanks so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 4:18pm

Many women (about 80%) do not orgasm through intercourse alone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 5:22pm

Thanks very much for the links to so many good articles; the technique tips really cleared up a lot for me. I guess it's not so bad if he pops out, nor do I have to go up and down on his penis: circles are perfectly acceptable, as is asking him to touch my clitoris during sex. I'm looking forward to trying it all tonight, and to talking to my BF about keeping going for longer and trying actively to get both of us to come.

I'm still not quite sure, though, how to actually come through intercourse. Should I just give up on it, if the techniques above don't help, and rely on oral sex for my orgasm? Reaching orgasm through cunnilingus has never been a problem for me, so should I stick with 'old faithful' or keep trying to orgasm during intercourse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 5:44pm

It usually takes a woman longer to learn how to orgasm during intercourse, and worrying about it can actually contribute to the problem. If your thoughts aren't in the right place, chances are, it's not going to happen. Try to relax and not concentrate on the orgasm. Enjoy the pleasure and everything that you are feeling.

Remember that some things take practice. If WOT doesn't work just as you imagine it will tonight, don't give up on that position. If you're comfortable with your guy, and can totally relax, it's one of the most likely positions for you to have an orgasm during IC, and it is also a position that helps him last longer -- a double win!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 11:32pm

Some women will never have an orgasm thru intercourse alone.......UNLESS they're getting clitoral stimulation at the same time. That's why WOT is the favorite of many women. (IF you're doing it right, meaning not trying to be the man & thrusting....just grinding against him in a circular or pelvis thrusting motion.

In other positions, you or he can manually stimulate the clitoris during intercourse.

Since there are virtually no nerve endings inside the vagina (with the exception of the "g" spot) it's logical that you wouldn't have orgasms from intercourse alone, since your clitoris is your "real" sex organ, not your vagina. Make sure to read the site in Tish's post thoroughly, and it will explain it better. Sometimes, if you've had several orgasms to get the "motor" running, you can have orgasms from intercourse, but it's more of a emotional than a physical reaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 2:58am

I just wanted to add that oral would work if he was good at it.
When he learns your body and your needs and you learn your self
and him. Sex will have a whole new meaning to the both of you.

It's all in the clit! lol

Kareese

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2005
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 5:19am
Have you tried a Trojan Vibrating Ring on his penis to stimulate your clitoris during IC? DW loves it and cums easily with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 12:28pm
He's great at oral sex, so that's not really a problem; I can definitely reach climax that way. What I meant in my original post was that I've had him go down on me and then penetrate me, but I can't seem to get to orgasm. I liked the idea about not trying to "be the man and thrust", but that's something that he really enjoys and encourages me to do. Of course, I want him to find pleasure in our love making, too, so I do what he asks - especially since trying to make circles with my hips while he's inside me doesn't seem to get me anywhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 12:43pm

There are two people involved here. Sure you want him to enjoy it, and where did you get the idea that he's NOT enjoying it? The point is that you should BOTH enjoy it...so despite the fact that he wants you to "thrust" when you're on top is nice, but you're not getting anything out of it....so he can thrust LATER.

You keep saying something about "circular motions" when you're on top. I think you're not getting it. It's a GRINDING motion, whether it's circular or pelvic thrusts. When you're sitting there, well balanced on him....you just grind into him without ever lifting your pelvis away from him. Think SLOW and sensuous. Kind of the way the strippers or pole dancers grind. It's something that takes a little practice, and when you get it just right, you'll KNOW. As for him enjoying THAT, most men love to just lay there and watch you enjoying yourself. That's why people change positions during sex....a little for him, a little for you, and then the grand "finale" that you can both enjoy (even if you DON'T have an orgasm at that point, you'll still enjoy it......AND enjoy seeing HIM enjoying it.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 3:23pm

Well I've never done the cirlcle motion. I like to lean forward
and grind back and forth. I like the thrusting to one thing you could
try is having him move with you in a rythem together.
Or you could for get that postion and try the T he can touch you plus
he can see every thing! I don't know about your man but that's DH's favorite
part. Make sure your relaxing and not thinking to hard about it all.
Infact don't think at all! Just enjoy every sensation you feel.
Sometimes I will fantasize and get my self all hot and by the time DH gets
to me I'm ready to burst! Have you tried that?

Kareese