a new sexual relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
a new sexual relationship
9
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 9:17pm
Hi everyone!
I just started seeing a new guy who is significantly older than me--and therefore with a lot more experience, and I'm a bit nervous about what will happen when we start getting more physical. We've already had dry sex, and have been talking dirty to each other over the phone, email, texts, etc, so I know it's going to go down soon.
My main concern is not the actual sex itself because we have tons of chemistry and love each other so I know it will be fantastic. It's just that I have a lot of kinkier fantasies about being tied up and maybe other stuff, but usually what turns me on puts me in more of the submissive role. He mentioned today that he'd love it if *I* tied *him* up, and I kind of freaked out because I'm not sure if that idea would even turn me on, or if I would be able to get into that. The more I think about it I'm sure I could do it just because it would turn him on, and him getting turned on would turn me on, but I'm worried that he may be more on the submissive side too... just from this exchange.
Is there anyone out there who has more experience in sexual matters and knows anything about the dominant/submissive roles? I'd like to know whether a guy who wants to be tied up would also have some dominant traits as well? Like is this a sure fire sign that he'd want to be only be submissive in bed? I'm not sure if we'd be a match if this is the case...
Any feedback is greatly appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:27pm

It doesn't mean he can only play the sub role, he

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 10:50pm

Hi there,


As Tish said, you need to have an open conversation with him outside the bedroom and express your own desires as well, and just find out how submissive he is.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 11:02pm

Welcome to the board, junkfire.

The other members have given some great advise.

I did have one other thought pop into my head though .... did the two of you talk about some of the things that you would like to do in the bedroom? If so, he might be mentioning having you tie him up as a way to let you know he's interested in what you're in to.

For some couples, it's not so much about D/s as it is something a little different to do. He might be looking at it from that angle.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 12:19am

Open communication is the key to your relationship, especially if you are thinking about going the D/s route. I've been a collared submissive for the past 8 years. I am always sub and He is always Dom. No switching occurs between U/us. My first Master was a switch and He really wanted me to be a Domme for Him, but I simply could not do it. I cannot be in a Domme role. I have always been a sub and could never switch.


There are D/s couples who live in strict Dom/sub roles like Master and I do now, while there are other D/s couples who

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 3:09pm
Wow! Thanks everyone for the awesome advice!
I don't think I'd go as far as to say that we'd be doing a whole sub/dom thing..it was just an element that I have always wanted to experiment with. If that was his thing, I'd definitely not be opposed to it at all, but I think mostly the comment that hit home was that he's probably just feeling around for experimentation of things that we can do together. I was mainly concerned that I wouldn't be turned on by the more dominant role, and being turned on and into it is very important to me...
I can't just pretend and do something I'm not into. The more I think about it though, the more I think it would be hot especially if it got him hot. I do hope that he'd be able to switch up sometimes and be more dominant just because I have being tied up fantasies as well!
But yeah, like you said it's all about communication, and hopefully I'll be able to get to the point where I'm not too shy to actually come out and ask him exactly what he wants and what turns him on...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 5:43pm

This all sounds weird to me, maybe because I'm old.


But, why stress about something you haven't experienced yet?

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 6:49pm
Hopefully you will be able to to talk to him about this, since it is important to you. I've been submissive all my life. But I didn't get what I needed or wanted until I was almost 40. I'm 47 now and I have never been so happy with my sex life, because I can finally express my sexuality the way it has always been.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 7:44pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2007
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 11:25am
Yes Exactly Isstish!
It's just that for another thing..this has become a long distance relationship as well, and he wants me to move almost 1000 miles away to be with him. So it's imperative for me to know that we would be sexually compatible! I think it's probably one of the most important things in a successful relationship...
On another board in here someone was saying that the way the conversation went down made them think that he was just responding to my question, and that he may be able to swing either way. I mean, yesterday, he seemed to be talking in a more dominant manner as well. I just wish there was a way for me to know what turned him on without having to ask lol
:p