newcomer with some questions

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
newcomer with some questions
4
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 12:58pm
This is really a two part question. I have just recently started having sex with my boyfriend (the last month or so) and he is my first partner. My first question is usually we use a condom or he pulls out in time but twice now he's come inside me without a condom (I'm on the pill). The thing is though that i was sore and uncomfortable afterwards, both times. IS that normal? Secondly my boyfriend has no problem getting it u pbut especially when I'm ontop he seems to ejaculate rather quckily. He will hold it and ask me to stop then we will start again. HE says that this doesn't moramlly happen to him (I believe him) because it's not all the time. But he said that he's heard of a cream that he could put on his penis to make it less sensitive. Is there such a thing? If so where could I find it? Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 1:46pm
First, the "cream".....if it numbs him, it will numb you, too.....is that what you want? I don't think so! Our vaginas have very little feeling to start with, do you want to lose ALL feeling? He seems to already have some "control" over his ejaculation, and that's good. He needs to practice more....when it's about to happen, he stops, and gets control. The more he does it, the better he'll get at it. This isn't at all unusual, guys don't usually last more than a few minutes once they've started intercourse. What you need to do is get your pleasure and satisfaction from foreplay, oral and/or manual, so that when you get to intercourse, it won't matter so much that he's "quick". Once you two get more used to each other, and more comfortable with the whole process, he'll probably last longer. But even then, "ladies first" usually works better for both of you.

As for your soreness, it could be because you were going on too long, and you got dry. Next time try some lubricant.

Just as an FYI, "pulling out in time" is very risky. (it shouldn't be for you if you're on the pill and taking it correctly!) He's leaking semen from the moment he's erect, so if you weren't on the pill, you could easily get pregnant from doing that. As long as you're taking them correctly, every day, never skipping a day, and at approximately the same time every day, the hormones stop you from ovulating, and you can't get pregnant if you don't ovulate, even if you don't use condoms. When you're on the pill, the only reason to use condoms is for STD's, and hopefully, if he wasn't a virgin too, he's been tested for that. He doesn't have to "pull out"!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 2:19pm
I also get very sore if he finishes inside me, but I don't think that's normal. It could be that you are allergic to his semen (see semen allergy thread) or, like me, it could be irritating an already inflamed situation. Do you find any other part of intercourse painful? It could be that you are not lubricated enough, which results in friction, and then the semen further irritates the area.

As for numbing balms for your boyfriend, I think that if you wait a few minutes after applying them to his penis before inserting it into your vagina, it will not numb you. Better yet, use a condom over the balm to prevent it from numbing you. I've never tried them so I don't know how well they work though.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 2:28pm
By what I've read on a couple of male message boards on the internet, the idea you're referring to DOES exist. Those guys have reported applying just a little bit prior to using the condom, claiming that it makes "holding it all back" that much more effective.

Just so you know, this situation is VERY much normal, happens to me so many times too. The Mrs. and I do have our experience 'together' to thank for our success in dealing with those sometimes awkward moments. When I'm losing control, I'll pause and she'll know exactly why I'm pausing. She'll release the grip on those "kegel" muscles for a few seconds till I grab onto her for another round. Each couple will have their different techniques that work for them, so I'm confident you will be able to find one too if you two practice and learn through it patiently. Experience is what will make this so much more fun for you in my opinion.

The soreness you're referring to may be one of two things that I can guess, and its only an educated guess. My wife gets sore after lengthy sessions, especially if she & I get rough with the thrusting. Once we stop, even briefly, then she's done because the pleasure gives way to the soreness that had developed and was hidden behind the pleasure during the thrusting. Another factor could be your lack of being lubed enough down there.

REMEMBER: For most women, once you're in pain, YOU STOP! No lube or magic potion will make you instantly normal again. Soreness in THAT area is a very serious warning sign and should NOT be ignored.

Hope the replies have helped so far. :)

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 12:07am
Ok - several things. ALWAYS use a condom - take it from someone that has has a ton of scares (even being on the pill) and has always regreted not being 100% condom safe. As far as him cuming inside of you - yes you can have a bad reaction to his ejactulate - I will sometimes have a yeast infection after having sex with a new partner for the first time. Not a big deal - just make sure you use the restroom ASAP and stay clean and dry right after you are finished. As for the early ejaculation - I have BEEN THERE. Apparently when we are on top, they loose a sense of control and therefore tend to cum earlier. There are desensitizing condoms now (check the internet for some suggestions) that only desensitize him - not you - I would definately not suggest using that cream - because as mentioned in one of your earlier responses - YOU don't want to be desensitized as well.

Besides that - have fun and relax. You are at the start of a wonderful sexual journey. Don't expect it to be perfect until you have gotten used to each other.