Newlywed threesome?opinions please!
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Newlywed threesome?opinions please!
| Mon, 04-25-2005 - 11:25am |
Im not sure what to do about the question that my husband asked me last night. We've been together for almost two years and only married a little over a month. Well...He knows that Ive had some experiences with other women. I liked it and I told him I would like to do it again if we werent together, but since we are together Im afraid if anything like that were to come about it would ruin us. He told me last night that he'd like another girl to join us but only for my pleasure. He said he could have sex with me while I eat or out...that was one example. He said he just wants me to be happy and he knows that I wanted to do this again. He said he would like to be there if it was just gonna be me and her and she would have to be very attractive as well. I had no idea what to say to that. One part of me says that that's just wrong..That that's something special between my husband and I and we shouldnt bring anyone else into that special part of us. It's something that we have that no one else can see or imagine. That doing something like that would cause a big problem after we did that. He said not to think aboiut the affect on us to only think about what I want. Well I dont know! The other part of me says that would be so hot and Id love that experience. I have fantasies about being with other women or my husband having sex with other women in front of me. Those fantasies really get me going, but I always felt that in real life I would hate it. Well..now he's got me thinking and worrying. Im afraid I would might want to do it. But then Im also afraid I would be so caught up in the moment or just really want to try seeing him with her. Seeing him with another woman in my fantasies gets me off better than anything else. But is that something that I should just keep in my fantasy? I dont want to do this and then have both of us jealous afterwards and have it affect our marriage forever. It sounds like a lot of fun...but Im afraid it would only be fun at the time. Im not afraid of him going to see her behind my back or worried about me going to see her without him knowing or anything. Im just wondering if this is a good idea or not...I dont want to put our marriage at risk, but then I think that this would be an awesome experience...whichever way it goes me with her or all three of us togther. I also dont want him to pay more attention to her than me. That confuses me though cause in my fantasies and the way I see it happening is him giving her A LOT of attention. Is this a bad idea? Or could this open us up more? We have a great sex life...Sex is alwyas very enjoyable, but I cant help but wonder if we would relaly like this. It could be just a one time thing..Which is probably what it would be if it did happen. What do I do about this? Please...everyone give me your views and opinions on this! Oh...also another thing...We both are the jealous type...Yet...to think about him having sex with another woman really gets me going! Other times it seems totally out of the question...PLease help try to understand all this. I know Im the only one that can decide if this should happen or not, but Id like you to tell me what you think too.Ok..opinions please! ;) Thank you!

When in doubt, don't.
But only you can decide what kind of marriage you want. Once you begin sharing your bed and perhaps, DH, with someone else, though, it will change things forever and it can't be taken back. And it could lead to different things that you may not have planned on, like swinging, etc.
You said it yourself though, you're both jealous by nature and while sharing fantasies is one thing, reality is quite another.
You just got married, you're just learning to be husband and wife, it's a stressful time, why would you want to add more uncertainty and stress to the situation?
Edited 4/25/2005 11:40 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
As Kat said, when in doubt, don't.
Oh, what a generous and loving new husband you have! He wants to do this because he thinks you would enjoy it. He'll just sit back and let you "do your thing". WHAT A CROCK! He's not worried about your fantasies, he's trying to fulfill his own fantasy. There isn't a man alive that hasn't fantasized about watching two women get it on, but most men know the difference between fantasy and reality.
So, you had the "experience" in your past. Did you EVER suggest to him that you'd like to do this.....it doesn't sound like it to me. This is what HE wants, and he's trying to make you think it's your idea. And when everything falls apart, he can blame it on you.
Follow your instincts, which are right. You're married, and if being faithful to your parnter isn't enough, then you shouldn't be married. You don't want to do this, you're just trying to talk yourself into it to please him. If he wants this after two months of marriage, what else will he want in the future?
When there is doubt, DON'T. You know it will not "enhance" your marriage. A simple NO is all it takes.
I'm with the others on this - if in doubt, don't. What interests me about this is that you're worried about the consequences yet you think that you could enjoy it too. Hmmmm...
I don't think that it's necessarily a good thing or a bad thing. It's something that some couples do and some enjoy it greatly. But of course others have tried and it's gone terribly. So take your time in making a decision - take months and months if you like. There is absolutely no rush to make a decision about this. And if you decide to do it there is no going back. Just tell your husband that you aren't saying 'Yes', but you aren't saying 'No' either. Tell him your concerns, talk to him about it, and begin to work through it with him. As GTB said, he says that it's about your pleasure but in reality it's about his - he is just being nice saying it's all about your pleasure. It's his fantasy. Take whatever he says with a grain of salt. He wants it to happen and will probably say just about anything to convince you that you want it too.
As I said before, it's best that you talk about ALL the aspects of this. Get EVERYTHING out into the open because if this happens there can't be any hidden feelings or emotions stuffed away because it will cause problems if you are expecting one thing and your husband is expecting something else. If you can't agree, then don't do it.
"..seal of exclusivity...." LOL!
After reading this, hump, I got a visual of a husband tearing off the clear, plastic, hermetically-sealed vaginal covering off his new bride on their honeymoon!
Yay! I always wanted to use "hermetically" in a sentence on this board! LOL!
...."After reading this, hump, I got a visual of a husband tearing off the clear, plastic, hermetically-sealed vaginal covering off his new bride on their honeymoon!"
I guess I meant once you bring a third party into your bed room after you are married, its done, there is no turning back. =)
It sounds as though you have mixed feelings about this and need to sort them out. First you need to decide if this is something you want to experience again and then discuss it with your husband. From the sounds of it, there is a change you are giving him mixed messages about the experiences. Verbally you maybe telling him that you have no interest in having another woman join you. However your tone of voice and body language may be telling him something completely differently.
If you can come to grips with your feelings and are able to fully discuss this with you husband then it is possible that you may not suffer any ill effects from going through with it.